Mint Condition Holiday Latte

 A new twist on my Holiday Latte!  This one themed after the Mint Condition.

Here is what you’ll need:

At least a 10oz or 12oz mug

1 Pack cocoa mix; Land O’Lakes Cocoa Mint is my choice for this

* Stephen’s Candycane Cocoa (Walmart), or SwissMiss Cocoa also work well.

Your choice of gourmet coffee

Reddi-wip or other canned whipped cream

2 Diced up Andes mints, and 1 whole mint

Brew your coffee as normal.  Pour some coffee into the mug to coat the bottom.

Stir in cocoa powder mix.  Add more coffee and creamer as desired.  Be sure to leave some room at the top!  It should look something like this:

Top the whole thing off with whipped cream and sprinkle on the diced up Andes mints. Stick the whole mint into the whipped cream pillow and prop against side of mug.

Enjoy!

Holiday Recap 2014

Hope everyone had a bright and Merry Christmas and happy holidays all around.

We enjoyed a nice day with family at the farm. I cooked dinner the night before to take over, since there isn’t a working full size oven at the farm and the kitchen is super tiny.

Turkey with veggie and stuffing casserole concoction of my own creation, home made cranberry sauce, and home made candied yams.

Journey and the cats helped, supervising and cheering me on as I managed to avoid any serious bodily harm in my adventure.

Raaaaiiin

Relaxing with the animals, enjoying the wonderful thunderstorm.

Sjögren's Syndrome

Good news everybody!  ::Saracasm::

I have officially been diagnosed with Sjögren's Syndrome!

 ======================

---For Those Going WTF Is That?---

Sjogren's (SHOW-grins) syndrome is a chronic autoimmune disease in which your body’s immune system attacks the moisture producing glands of the body.

Sjogren's syndrome often accompanies other immune system disorders, such as rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. In Sjogren's syndrome, the mucous membranes and moisture-secreting glands of your eyes and mouth are usually affected first, resulting in decreased production of tears and saliva.

The two main symptoms of Sjogren's syndrome are:

    Dry eyes. Your eyes may burn, itch or feel gritty, as if there's sand in them.

    Dry mouth. Your mouth may feel like it's full of cotton, making it difficult to swallow or speak.

Some people with Sjogren's syndrome also experience one or more of the following:

    Joint pain, swelling and stiffness

    Swollen salivary glands (particularly the set behind your jaw and in front of your ears)

   Severe dental issues

    Skin rashes or dry skin

    Vaginal dryness

    Persistent dry cough

   Chronic Bronchitis

   Dry sinuses or sinus issues

    Prolonged fatigue

  

It may affect other organs of the body, including the kidneys, blood vessels, lungs, liver, pancreas, peripheral nervous system and brain.

For more info, see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sj%C3%B6gren%27s_syndrome

http://www.sjogrens.org

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sjogrens-syndrome/basics/definition/con-20020275

 ======================

While it isn’t a good thing to have, it is a huge relief I finally have a doctor who is recognizing that there is more than Fibromyalgia at work and trying to help me fix it rather than just masking symptoms with medications.

As of now, I have been diagnosed with two clearly recognized autoimmune disorders occurring on top of Fibromyalgia and my Dysautonomia. Having a doctor acknowledge that is huge.  It’s only taken 10 years to get this far.

I asked him about the disability application, and he is totally 100% on board and told me how some of it would work, as far as how he’d get paperwork to fill out after I submitted my application.  He renewed my permit, so I now have a permanent disability parking permit. It actually comes with a little ID card here in Louisiana. Apparently some states use it to verify you are the tag owner.

Only thing he didn’t do, which bummed me, is he didn’t give me another shot in my wrist. He said after what happened last time ( me passing out ) he wanted to try something else. So I got a topical instead, which has to be specially compounded and sent to me. I’m hard pressed to think it will work, but I’ll try it before I knock it and beg for the injection again.

I finally have hope that things are taking a turn in the right direction with all this medical crazy I have lived with for years.

I will still need people who are willing to write on my behalf for the disability application.  If you already have ( thank you guys again SO much! ), I plan to use those.

If you are willing to write a statement, please let me know.

I’ll be starting this whole process in January, after the holidays.

Yule & Winter Solstice

Wishing everyone a bright Yule and Winter Solstice. Journey is here to share some smiles and cheer.

OMFG!!!!

BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER!!!!!  I found my dad!!!  Or, he found me! I’m too elated right now to think straight and crying happy tears.  I have been trying for YEARS to get in touch with him, I haven’t seen him since I was a little kid and lost contact years ago, and was afraid I’d never find him after Katrina since we no longer live where we used to.

I have searched online for years for him and never could find him. I even sent a letter to an address I thought he may have lived at, but it was returned to me as “undeliverable”. I was thinking just a few days ago about doing one of those things you see where people make posters and hope the internet can help find loved ones. Or asking anyone in Arizona if they could try and go to the address I had and see if it was there, sort of wishful thinking.  And he just messaged me tonight!!

Giving

Journey and I just got back from Walmart. It was a madhouse. We grabbed what we needed, expecting to be in and out, and stood in line. The lady behind us was with her daughter.  They were buying brownies for a school party tomorrow. We were chatting and they asked me about Journey. There was a delay ahead of us, and come to find out the checkout registers crashed while we were waiting in line and they could only run cash or check.  Lucky for me this was one of the only times I actually had come in intending to pay with cash!

The lady made the comment that she didn’t have any cash, only credit when the store manager started making the announcement that they couldn’t run cards. She told her daughter they’d have to put the brownies back and not get them, and the girl was obviously sad.

So I offered to pay for them!  This got a big smile from them both and the cashier too. We walked out to the parking lot together and I told them more about Journey’s job and about Ember, and it turns out the mother is a teacher at a local school and asked if I would be willing to come give a presentation to the kids if they could get the okay for it. So I gave them a card and my contact info, and we’ll see what happens.

Either way, days were made brighter. I wished them a merry Christmas and happy new year and off we went.

10 Common Problems Old Souls Experience At Least Once In Their Life

This is something I have lived with since I was a child. Always on the outside looking in, always alone even when surrounded by people. Never really being understood by anyone, because I don't think the same way humans think. I love the simple, beautiful things in life. I love the deep thinking and inspiring. I see with eyes unclouded.


===============

 

1. The inexperience of feeling truly understood.

Old souls can be seen as strange people because they often hold unconventional ideals and standards of living. They often feel a sense of separation from themselves and the “real world” because things like obtaining great wealth, owning a lot of expensive possessions, and other traits of living a materialistic lifestyle aren’t really an interest to them. In a world fueled by consumerism this can seem kind of weird to most people. Having a different set of expectations and ideas about living can make it hard to feel like anyone truly understands you and what drives you in life.

2. People don’t understand how easygoing and forgiving you can be at times.

Old souls tend to have a philosophical viewpoint about life and look at things on a larger spectrum. What does this mean? When problems arise and old souls are forced to overcome great obstacles they understand even the hardest moments in life are a chance to learn and become stronger. It’s not that the things that have happened to them haven’t affected them – they have – but they look at their struggles as just a brief moment in the overall journey of life. They can find the good in people, in life, in everyday interactions that can seem negative or monotonous to others and that’s where they focus their energy.

3. You can be inhibited by the way you view life.

As you evolve over time your self-awareness increases and you’re able to firmly identify your beliefs about life and this world. The problem with old souls is that often they can see a multitude of possibilities within the spectrum of life and instead of freeing them to create whichever destiny they believe would suit them they instead can become inhibited by the very freedom they’ve established.

4. Making decisions based off of a “feeling” can seem illogical.

Intuition is a subtle, sophisticated language and old souls actively work to become in-tune with the way their body communicates with them. The gut instinct is the most simple and basic level of physical intuition that communicates through yes/no, safe/unsafe messages. We use this the most often when trying to make decisions about people and relationships, both personal and professional. Old souls rely on their gut instinct to guide them in their decision making and other people often won’t understand the logic when you tell someone you just “have a feeling” about something or someone.

5. You can be seen as a loner.

Old souls are after long-lasting, impactful, meaningful relationships in all aspects of life. They’d rather have a few close friends than dozens of acquaintances they hardly know but this can give the impression they’re some sort of social outcast. Old souls, like introverts, would rather focus their social energy on people they can have deep conversations with and they loathe being pressured to socialize more or make more friends.

6. You’re unsure if you’ll ever find your home.

One of the most universal problems with being an old soul is the inability to ever really feel like you belong with others. Whether you travel all over or have lived in the same town your entire life it can be difficult for old souls to feel like they have a home in this world. They’re constantly seeking kindred spirits and a place where they truly belong.

7. The desire for solitude can impact your relationships.

Being an old soul can be an isolating existence at times. You need your solitude to sit and reflect on life and to recharge when you’ve completely exhausted yourself but sometimes this can be frustrating to your friends and family. They love you and they want to be around you. Unless they also draw their energy from themselves and understand the need to be alone from time to time this can create issues when they really want you to hang out with them and you’d rather be at home reading a book

8. Your idea of fun is different than others.

Old souls find simple pleasure in small moments in life, and activities that are a bit old-fashioned are what they’re naturally drawn to. Going on a weekend drive through the country, heading to the 24-hour diner at midnight on the other side of town with the best breakfast within a 50-mile radius, getting milkshakes and watching the sunset over the pier, spending the evening writing hand-written letters to your friends that live across the country – these are the kinds of things you love doing. The problem is finding other people who like to engage in the same types of old school fun.

9. You learn the brutal realities of romanticizing life and love.

Old souls have a very romantic way of seeing the world and often when the world doesn’t live up to their expectations they can be emotionally impacted by this. Although old souls are idealistic, eventually they learn to also try and see the more realistic side of things.

10. You find it hard to disengage in conversation with strangers.

Something about old souls makes other people want to come up to them and talk. It’s like you’re sitting on a train or bench somewhere, a person sits down next to you, and 20 minutes later you know their entire life story. Others are drawn to speak to you but it can be difficult to turn others away or to remove yourself from the conversation because you feel some sense of duty to be a sounding board for this stranger that felt compelled to talk to you.

===============


From:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/koty-neelis/2014/12/10-common-problems-old-souls-experience-at-least-once-in-their-life

Patreon - Signal Boost

I finally made a Patreon account, for anyone interested in sponsoring me and my artwork. Please feel free to share and help give a signal boost.

Think of Patreon as something like an ongoing online tip jar. If you like an artist's work and can't afford (or don't want to buy) their artwork regularly, but still wish to support them, then this is a great way to do it.

It's a way of saying, "I like what you do, thanks for sharing!" It's totally optional. You can stop sponsoring at any time. When you pledge to help me, you will only be charged the amount you pledge once per month.

By becoming a patron, your support gives me the opportunity to be an artist and to create freely. I value your donation in more ways than words can adequately describe. Your support inspires me to believe in myself and my dreams.

Please consider sponsoring at $1 per month. Just a small $1 pledge on your part can collectively change my life and help my dreams come true.

So what exactly will you get in return? All sorts of awesome!  For starters, you will have my undying love and gratitude. You’ll also have a chance to influence my work! You’ll be among the first to know about and see new designs and new products, before they are even made!

You will also have a chance to receive art and creative things from me, depending on your donation tiers. Sometimes I'll be giving out prints, other times - original artwork and sculptures! Why? Why not? I share the love you share with me! Knowing these things will go to homes where people will truly appreciate them is what means the most to me.

To learn more, please visit my Patreon page:

http://www.patreon.com/leopardwolf

Yes, Animals Have Feelings (Op-Ed)

I am delighted more research and attention is finally being devoted to something I have known since childhood.


http://www.livescience.com/49093-animals-have-feelings.html

Holiday Cards

It's that time of year again.  If you would like a holiday card from me, please respond here or email me at leopardwolf@gmail.com to let me know. I will need current mailing addresses.

If I have sent you something recently, you'll already be getting one from me.


My address if you'd like to send one to me:

Brittney Steptoe
PO Box 740354
New Orleans, LA 70174


Please email me if you need my personal mailing address.

Happy Birthday Journey

Today is Journey's birthday!  He is 1 year old.  Huzzah!  To celebrate, he got to pick out some new toys and treats from the store.

He went from being a tiny adorable fuzzball to a giant dork.


Journey as a tiny pup ( 4 weeks old ):

Journey at 1yr old:

Shopping And Jumping Spiders

I saved a jumping spider while out shopping. I noticed her on the floor trying to avoid getting stepped on and run over by oblivious people. I offered her a small item from my cart and she jumped right onto it. She went shopping with me for half the trip, riding in the top from a box of holiday cards.  I found her a nice tree outside, surrounded by grass, so hopefully she'll find a new home and be much happier.

The spider was a Gray Wall Jumper ( Menemerus bivittatus ).

Ember Has Retired

Okay, so it's time that I posted about this.

Ember officially retired from active duty service dog work as of October 30th. She actually stayed with Mike in New Jersey.

She is living it up and getting a chance to just laze around and be a normal dog again. She was a little confused at first and still wants things to do, which isn't surprising as brilliant as she is.

It wasn't originally planned that she was going to stay. She's getting older and the one damaged toe is more tender with arthritis acting up. I knew it was bothering her, but she worked despite that. It was starting to effect certain mobility support tasks she preforms, which is why I got Journey and started training him to take her place. Just before we left for NJ, Journey had fully learned the primary task I need them for and was preforming it anywhere I asked 95% of the time, which is a huge milestone.

When it got closer for the original time for us to fly back, Mike had made comments about how much he'd missed Ember and missed having a normal dog  that behaved ( because his family's dogs don't ). I knew Journey would be taking over eventually, and we're at a stage where I really need to work him more and develop focus and other skills that will help him as a working dog. The timing was right and it meant Ember could keep Mike company. So it sort of just happened. I took her out one last time to work in vest, and we got some pictures and then she became a normal dog again.

She loves it up there and Mike has his dog back. :)

The ironic and amusing yet bad thing that happened afterwards, is that Mike's mother fell last week and broke her foot. She's in an immobilizing boot/leg thing and on crutches till further notice. Mike was working when it happened and couldn't leave his desk, but Ember heard it and bolted downstairs and refused to leave his mother's side till they took her to the ER and Ember couldn't go.

Long story short, she's okay but in pain and can't do much. She's been having a hard time getting around on the crutches. Their two dogs have tripped her and made her fall again or just generally gotten in the way and jumped on top of her or her hurt foot. Meanwhile Ember has done exactly as she was trained to do, and has done nothing but try and help in any and every way her doggy brain can figure out how to.

Mike's mother sent this to me earlier this week:

"Thank you for the birthday card & wishes for flowers, but most of all Thanks for Ember she is amazing, as you know I broke my foot urgh!, Ember has been by my side ever since, she has picked up & carried more thing for me than I can count she is so cute tries to hold me up when I wobble around she TRUELY is AMAZING"


I had to laugh, because I know how sensitive Ember is. She was born to comfort and help. She'd pick up on other people all the time when we were out in public. It's the reason I originally wanted to do therapy dog stuff with her before my medical stuff got weird and she became a service dog instead. I got a giggle out of the mental imagery of her trying to do the body pressing and bracing tasks to help with hobbling on crutches.

I'm not sure they realized originally just how much Ember was helping me with when I desperately needed it the most. I was fairly okay for the most part while I was in NJ, so I wasn't having to ask her or Journey to do half the things they normally do. So they didn't see everything she is capable of.

Now his mother is experiencing first hand what a trained service dog can do to help someone.

It's amazing what a difference the dog retrieving an item you can't easily reach makes, when you can hardly move and would otherwise struggle and risk hurting yourself more just trying to do something as silly as picking something up off the floor. Especially when it is multiple things, multiple times a day.

Ember knows her job!  She just doesn't understand she's supposed to be retired now! She loves working and helping too much!  Once an assistance dog, always an assistance dog.

NJ Trip Recap

Thursday before we left we went shopping to get a few last minute items for the trip. Journey went with me and was beyond amazing. On the way to check out a box of ziplocks fell from the cart and Journey picked them up for me.

At the checkout the cashier dropped a pack clean wipes and I asked him to get them and he looked at me, and I laughed and called him a jerk for not picking it up, as I turned to get something else from the cart. The cashier laughed and said that as soon as I said that, he turned around and picked it up. When I turned back he held it for me and got lots of praise.



The trip to JFK in NY went very smoothly. Neither of the dogs were very phased by any of it. Getting through security was pretty painless. I let them know the dogs had metal on their collars and vests and would set off the detector, which they did. They did a physical search and we waited for stuff to go through the x-ray. One of the security people was afraid of dogs, and she was staying far back as she could laughing the whole time. She said "They're beautiful but I am terrified of 'em!" Which the other security people thought was hilarious.

Waiting at the gate we had lots of people curious about the dogs being there. We were among the first to board and were in the first row. Got the dogs settled and got comfy, had a brief delay before we took off. Only time the dogs were remotely concerned was during takeoff and landing, but that was more because of the incline and angle change when the "floor tilted" even though we were just sitting still. They quickly relaxed and were perfect during the entire flight. Once we landed at JFK, we got a ton of compliments from everyone as they departed the plane, saying how calm and amazingly well behaved and quiet they'd been for their first flight, even for  working dogs.


While there, I had a chance to see some good friends I hadn't seen in years. Went out to Long Island to see Naryu and had sushi and ice creams and visited. Then headed back across the island to meet up with my friend Sherry and her husband and visited and did a lot of catching up. I got a chance to give her a gift I had been waiting a long time to give; a painting of her beloved dog who had passed away many years ago.

Back when I did a commission for her of her mother's dog, I had asked for an image of hers too. She had totally forgotten about it and got all teary eyed when she realized what it was.  After that, we went to another part of Long Island to meet with my friend Sharon and her guy. It was a blast catching up with them because they are a lot like Mike and I, and we all used to work together. We had dinner and sat and talked. During the visit I learned a few new photography tricks for low light situations which made me happy squeeee. I really wish we would have had longer to visit with everyone, and it wasn't all crammed into one day.

The following day we went into NJ metro area down by the river, to visit with my friend Jen, who kept Ash ( the cat she was fostering for me ) when we left New York. It was so wonderful to see her again, and nice to meet her boyfriend, who was really nice. I brought Ash a plethora of toys and good catnip. She was delighted in the way only Ash can be delighted and she wallered and did silly things. I gave her tons of love ( as much as she'd tolerate, she's a one person cat ). She's looking great and the love between her and Jen is very obvious. I really wish we would have had more time and not been so far away driving wise so we could have visited multiple times.

During the visit we had a chance to go to the winery that makes Carroll's Mead or the Renn Faire. I was only originally going to buy two bottles ( as that's all I thought I could safely make it home with in luggage ), but thanks to change in travel plans I lucked out and got a whole case of honey heaven. I'm not a drinker by any means, but that stuff is soooooo good and so wonderful to cook with.


A few things happened during the trip that made things a bit meh, but overall everything was good. We had a great time and it was nice to see everyone up there, most of all getting to spend time with Mike.  I brought him his birthday gift, and at the same time surprised his mother and step father and little brother with gifts of their own. I painted portraits of their dogs Starr and CJ, who passed away a few years ago from old age. They had those dogs as long as Mike and I have been together, they were both awesome. I wanted to give the in-laws something nice to remember them by, and they were very touched by the paintings.  His little brother got an Oriental Dragon figure and some goodies to play and bond with his cat, and later I got him a Grumpy Cat stuffed figure. Because, Grumpy Cat!

I was originally only supposed to be in NJ for 2 weeks. Unfortunately what ended up happening is Mike getting forced from part-time to full time on very little notice and his entire shift changed, including days off. When we planned the trip, he was only part time and expected to stay that way till after I went home.  Needless to say, come time for me to return, we had only had 4 total days to spend together that he hadn't been working. Everything worked out by my family wishing me to have more time to spend with him, and my aunt was okay watching the cats longer. So we changed my return flight and I ended up staying through till the end of the month.  Originally I was supposed to fly home, but health concerns determined otherwise. So instead, I had to cancel the flight and book a rental car to drive home.  There was some mild drama with the car rental, but that was overcome.

The drive home wasn't bad at all. I found nice hotels along the way where people were very nice, including staying at one in Roanoke/Salem Virginia. I couldn't help giggling at the names despite them not being related to either.  About halfway through we started to hit some inclement weather. We found out that a winter blast storm was coming down fast and had we changed anything about the travel, we would have gotten stuck in icy and possibly snow conditions. Somehow we managed to stay juuust ahead of the storm front and got far enough south of the effected area just in time to where it was too warm to freeze by nightfall.

It was really nice to finally get back to New Orleans. The cats were surprised at first, then elated and extra cuddly. They got lots of love and treats.

I really enjoyed the trip. and now that I have a jetBlue credit I have to use within a year, I am looking forward to a chance to go back very soon!

SD Rant

While at a local Petco today with Journey, standing near the checkout I overhear a man registering his puppy for classes. He asks the trainer "how much does it cost to make them a service dog?" nodding toward me and Journey. A few minutes before I had been chatting with the trainer since we have been going by there since Journey was a small pup and he was wondering how his training was going. The trainer awkwardly tries to explain to the man what classes they do offer, but not answering the question directly and seemed like he was in a bind. The guy started to try and question it, so I spoke up.

"You can't just make any dog a service dog. The dog has to be specially trained to help with a disability. You have to have a disability".

The trainer agreed and mentioned a few examples like a mobility issue or diabetes, etc. The man stared at me and Journey for a long moment.

Then his dog is brought out of the back from grooming. A young German Shepherd pup, probably 4 months or so old if even. Beautiful little dog, but a spazz with no leash manners. I just shook my head and sighed.

You can't just call any dog a service dog just because you want to ( whatever excuse you decide to use to try and "justify" it ).  You can't just slap a vest on any dog ( GSD or not ) and claim it is a service dog. It's a punishable crime / fraud to do so. You will be fined and face jail time.

On top of that, plenty of people who do have health issues and have legitimate disabilities, do have dogs. But that does NOT make that dog a service dog by default. Thankfully most of those people don't try and falsely claim their pet dogs are service dogs.

Those people who do use real service dogs don't go around cheerfully claiming they have or need a service dog like it is a god damned status quo or "cool thing" just because they want attention. In fact, most of us would rather not be swarmed with the attention we get when we go anywhere with our partners.

It doesn't matter if the dog is well behaved ( or what you interpret as "well behaved" ) at home or in public. If the dog isn't specially task trained to assist the person handling it with mitigating ( mitigate - v ; to make less severe, serious, or painful) their disability, it is NOT a service dog.  Period.

Back South

Back in Louisiana / Mississippi finally. Had a nice trip to New Jersey to visit with Mike. Stayed a bit longer than originally expected, then had to drive home rather than fly. Long story. Quite a bit happened that I will probably be writing about in later posts.

People who have been waiting for commissioned artwork should start watching the mail. I should have everything packed and shipped out by the end of next week at the latest. I will be contacting you to let you know.  Thanks again for your patience and understanding!

I know I have missed a lot while I was gone. Bear with me while I get caught up.  Wishing everyone well!  Thoughts and prayers to my friends and families going through rough times right now.

Dogs Training And Doctor Stuff

In preparation for our upcoming trip, I started taking the dogs over to the airport to sit and watch and listen to aircraft taking off, so they could get used to all the other sights and smells associated with the airport. Neither one of them were phased by it, even with the giant roaring jets passing by overhead both in the car and out walking around. Next step is to go into the airport to get them used to walking around in potentially more crowded areas. Ember has been in huge crowds before so I figure she'll do fine, and Journey has done fine in crowded stores so he should be okay too. Will see if security will let us  "pretend" to stand in line and maybe even go through the machine just so they're used to it, because I am sure their collars will set off the metal detector and would rather have them used to it instead of freaking them out more on travel day.



Thursday evening I went out to run a few errands and took Journey along for some public access practice. Wandered around the store and said hello to some people we know. Got lizard food and watched some fish get bagged. Journey stared in wonder at both bags of little moving creatures. He's fascinated by them.

While wandering down one isle, he got silly and knocked a bag treats onto the ground. I sighed all exaggeratedly and playful and said "Look what you did, making messes" and he glanced down at it with this "whoops" expression.

I pointed at it and said "I can't reach it, you better get that" figuring I'd have to awkwardly bend to get it. To my surprise he lowered his head and picked it up and held it till I took it. "OMG YOU DID IT GOOOOD BOOOY!!!" I exploded in happy praise and he exploded right along with me.

A few minutes later we were on another isle talking to one of the workers as we looked for something, and his tail knocked some sort of flat-rubber-grooming-mat onto the floor. I said to the woman "I'm not sure if he can pick that up, but we'll try".  So I asked him to get it for me, and he did!!!! I erupted in praise again and he was so happy and proud of himself and the woman was all grins and thought it was the neatest thing.

Seriously, this is huge. He is starting to pick up even objects that have nothing to do with food and toys, in public!! And a FLAT thing even!  Flat stuff is hard! The worker made the comment how cool it was he figured out to slide it up against his paw to pick it up, which is exactly what he did!

==============


Went to the uber eye doctor Friday. It is confirmed that I have extremely dry eyes. She saw it in her scope thing and did a tear production test which also showed it. She asks me if I ever had autoimmune bloodwork done and I just laughed.

I explained the seroneg theory and she immediately said "Oh well then they should do a lip biopsy."  Upon which I explained to her I had requested to have one done from the beginning, but everyone is focused on insisting I should have bloodwork despite me mentioning it will come back normal/negative if I am seroneg.

She is going to write to my rheumatologist and my GP with the findings and recommendation. Fingers crossed.

Passed Out On Doctor, Random Medical Stuff

One way to prove to your new doctor that you have a quirky neurological system is to randomly demonstrate during your appointments!

Went to see my rheumatologist yesterday for a follow up to discuss dermatology findings, get scripts for lab work, discuss other stuff. I have been in pain and fatigue cycle central with a flair, so it was good timing.

My wrist has been acting up and was throbbing really bad the past few days on and off. Worried it would relapse to unusable, I mentioned it and he offered to give a corticosteroid shot. I'm so used to needles and pain by now I figure, sure why not. Injections go off without a hitch and isn't nearly as painful as it was when the jackass guy did it, but that could be because it also wasn't inflamed as badly. I feel it despite use of numbing agents, same case with dental work.

Ember, who had been laying on the ground next to me quiet the whole time, suddenly sits up and nudges me. I figure it's because she sensed I was already in pain and I twitched and grumbled from the pain of the injections. I thank her and tell her to lay back down. I was joking with the doctor how it hadn't felt near as bad as last time I had one, and started discussing something else totally different with paperwork when the attack hit.

I felt it coming. Starts off as a weird twinge, uneasy feeling, almost feels like I'm not in my own body. Intense dizzy disorientation, vertigo, nausea. Vision and hearing go "blurry". You feel like you weigh a million tons and can hardly move. I vaguely remember Ember was repeatedly nudging nudging nudging, cognition slow to realize she was alerting. I think I must have managed to blurt out that I was passing out.

I think he asked if I wanted to lay down, but was too far gone. Tried to fight it off, but hardly ever can when it's that intense. Felt overheated and pouring sweat but cold and clammy at same time as tunnel vision went to full black out nothingness. Everything is a blur after that.

It happens so fast. It can be startling because you lose all sense of awareness. Even when you are used to it happening, it takes you longer to register what actually *is* happening because your brain is going in slow motion and you can't think straight. By then all you can think is "great, here we go again!"

My own personal roller coaster of bodily separation as my brain decided TOO MUCH PAIN,  YOU REST NOW!

Upon regaining consciousness everything is still a blur. Sight and hearing are slow to return. Your mind goes "WTF just happened", head spinning disorientation overwhelming all your senses, still not able to think clearly. Slowly awareness returns, blurs of motion and sound if people are moving around you or talking to you. It's all still distorted and I can never tell how long it takes to come back to reality.

As I floated in total dazed stupor I remember hearing something like "take this" and "Hold it .......face"

BAM-OMG-WTF?! jolt of offense to my senses, I think I gagged.

First blur I recognized was my worried velcro Ember staring up at me with her head planted on my leg, wiggling, nudging and licking at my hand. I managed to grasp her. Then realized white lab coat was there and felt something handed to me.

"Put this by your nose."  I managed to, once again the shock of that horrible scent zapping my senses and I managed to focus on it as I recoiled and realized what it was.

The doctor actually used smelling salts to bring me back around. That stuff smells nasty!  I tend to be far more sensitive to environmental stimulus than most people, so it was especially effective.

Even with that to bring me around, it took several more minutes for me to be able to clearly see and hear and for the body weakness and disorientation to subside enough for me to be more coherent. At that point not much else could be done since I was rather out of it. The doctor checked on me several times as he wrote the scripts and such. Nurses checked on me and brought me some water. Jokes were cracked. Ember was praised for doing her job so well.

He ordered the correct bloodwork based on suspected conditions, not just the damned ANA by itself again. He also wrote out papers for a permanent parking hang tag so I don't have to keep paying to renew every 6-12 months!!  After 4yrs of using them he couldn't understand why no one had done so sooner, because this stuff wasn't something that just magically went away or got better.

Good thing the appointment was almost over anyway at least, because it really does throw the brain and thought process off and makes fatigued feeling worse afterwards. They had me wait in the room till I was feeling well enough to stand without risking passing out again.

Joked on the way out that I might have to invest in some of those smelling salts. The more I thought about it as my brain returned to me, the more I think it might actually be a good idea to keep some handy.

They could help others bring me to, or more importantly help me recover faster if I am alone and only have Ember with me. Now I just need to devise safe ways to carry them where they wouldn't accidentally be activated by Ember or jostling inside my purse or the dogs' gear bags. Maybe a heavy duty pill holder or something similar.

= = =

Today I saw my new general practitioner. She and the office staff were absolutely awesome. All of them are dog lovers, so as soon as they saw Ember they melted. Ember could tell, so she hammed it up real good. I let them say hello to her, her special treat for doing so good yesterday when I blacked out and being such a trooper through the flurry of medical stuff recently.

My new GP is almost like a female version of the Mayo doctor I really liked, which makes me ecstatic. She's younger like he was, and still open minded about possibilities and willing to listen to everything as a whole. She even guessed at a possible cause I had wondered about but not said anything to anyone because I'm really not sure if it is what I thought it might be.... but having her bring it up as I described things... yeah, sort of hit home.


It's stuff I have been asking about for years and just had doctors wanting to "wait and see". Well, you can only wait and see so long before stuff that could have been resolved early gets worse and causes damage.  Waiting on the results of the more specific bloodwork and then going from there. It's just a little relief to have two doctors thinking along the same lines I have wondered about for a while.


When I went for the lab draw, the woman was real nice and had a sense of humor. I warned her I may or may not pass out just to be on the safe side. I think at first she was concerned. I told her it wasn't the needles or blood or anything. I'm not afraid of any of it and don't get anxious like many people must. I've been stuck so many times and had so many unpleasant medical procedures, it doesn't phase me. I think when I started watching the draw on the second vial she realized it really wasn't a trigger. I joked with her that my inner geek found it absolutely fascinating.  She had me wait after the draw just to make sure I didn't have an attack after. We joked about different medical things and I think it pleased her inner geek just as much to have a patient who could relate to her work on that level.

So overall, fairly productive and only marginally expensive medical week.

There's Nothing Selfish About Suicide

This is good to read. When you are in the deepest and darkest depths of depression, you genuinely feel like you are being selfish by staying *alive*, and that you would relieve a burden on your loved ones if you were gone. Having experienced it myself and been on the edge of very bad places, I think things have long gone unspoken and too many blind eyes have been turned to conditions of this nature in general. More empathy and compassion is needed in the world.



Original post from:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html

======

I am a survivor of suicide.

I don't talk about it a lot these days, as I've reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. Healing was a long and grief-stricken process. There were times when I felt very alone in my grief and there were times when I felt lost and confused. The trouble with suicide is that no one knows what to say. No one knows how to react. So they smile and wave and attempt distraction... but they never ever say the word. The survivors, it seems, are often left to survive on their own.

I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months and even years following the loss of my father. The "what ifs" kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. What if I had answered the phone that night? Would the sound of my voice have changed his mind? Would he have done it at a later date, anyway? Survivor's guilt, indeed.

Sometimes, I cried. Sometimes, I sat perfectly still watching the waves crash down on Main Beach, hoping for a sign of some kind that he had reached a better place. Sometimes, I silently scolded myself for not seeing the warning signs. Sometimes, I bargained with God or anyone else who might be in charge up there. Bring him back to us. Please, just bring him back. Sometimes I felt angry. Why us? Why me? Why him?

Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace with the loss. But one thought that never ever (not even for one second) crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn't one of them.

Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression.

People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It's selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.

Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others.

As the world mourns the loss of Robin Williams, people everywhere are left feeling helpless and confused. How could someone who appeared so happy in actuality be so very depressed? The truth is that many, many people face the very same struggle each and every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. And some will hang on for dear life. Most won't be able to ask for the help that they need to overcome their mental illness.

You can help.

Know the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone and be human.

Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practice using the words "suicide" and "depression" so that they roll off the tongue as easily as "unicorns" and "bubble gum." Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind with their hearts. And hug them every single time.

Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don't be afraid to check in over and over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor's guilt.

30,000 people commit suicide in the United States each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It's time to raise awareness, increase empathy and kindness, and bring those numbers down.
It's time to talk about suicide and depression.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

======

Topical medications are ewwwww

First night using the psoriasis medications.  Had to wait for family to help with $400 to get them, and needed to wait till my aunt was home in the unlikely event I had a reaction to them. I haaaate the sensation of having medicinal stuff ( lotion, sunscreen, pain relief creams, ointments, etc ) smeared on me. I got used to using certain lotions because they helped with dryness somewhat, and topical pain relief stuff for obvious reasons. These are thicker and while probably fairly odorless to most people, they have that funky medical cream smell to me. They take a few minutes to absorb into the skin, and adding one after the other is all eeewwww. I stood in front of the fan just to make it absorb faster. I don't think me overheating and sweating helped any either. But, it's done. And gross. I did an "omg icky sensation" dance and the animals just watched and laughed at me. I'll have to get used to it for now. Did I mention eeewwww?

Mall Dog

Took Journey to Lakeside Mall today for some public access training. He did amazingly well as always.

We practiced in the elevator and on the stairs for as long as my body would allow. Then he helped me hobble to get a bite to eat and sit for a bit to rest and take meds. While getting condiments, I dropped a straw. One of the workers saw and told me not to worry, she'd get it after. I asked Journey to get it. He sniffed and mouthed at it which I marked and encouraged, he pawed at it, and he flopped beside it and mouthed it more and almost picked it up, but decided it wasn't as exciting as a toy and flopped beside it and put he paw atop it. Some girls were sitting nearby watching and cheering him on for the effort. Better luck next time.

Found a place to sit and eat where he fit without being in the way. Lots of people kept walking by commenting when they saw him. Heard a lot of "wow what a big dog" and "man look at the size of him!" which made me giggle.

One nice gentleman and his son stopped to chat. He was interested about service dogs because he's dealing with spinal damage from when he was injured in a motorcycle accident. I could tell just by how he moved he had a hard time and it hurt him, and he like me just keeps pushing through the day as best he can. I empathize.

Another couple stopped with their son who they explained had brain conditions that caused seizures, some form of epilepsy I believe. He had been curious about seeing Journey and wanted to pet him, which I was okay with because I know how much it helps kids like him. Bright and happy kid who loved to talk. Trying to pay attention to him and the parents at the same time was challenging!

I told both families like I tell others I have met, I'm happy to help however I can. I gave both families a card and contact info. I've shared numerous resources with people I have met since I first started working with Ember years ago, and hope I can continue to do so for years to come with her and Journey to help spread awareness. I know how much it can help to simply be pointed in the right direction, and have someone you can talk to who can relate on that same level.


Journey got really pushy and nudging after they left. I was feeling a little wonky and hadn't taken my meds yet because I stopped in the middle of eating to talk with the people.  I think he might be starting to tell me that he senses something isn't quite right. At first I thought he needed to do his business, but when I took him out to a spot he circled, then sat and looked at me to indicate he didn't have to. I took him out twice just to make sure and he didn't have to go.

After I took my meds and they kicked in he wasn't as buggy and pushy and just acted silly a few times to make me laugh instead. Hoping over time I can shape both behaviors differently like I did with Ember. I don't think he's experienced enough yet to give a reliable alert like Ember does, but I think he is learning from watching how she responds to me and by being around me when the changes happen, whatever it is that the dogs sense.

We'll probably be spending quite a bit more time there as we get ready for our upcoming trip.

Robin Williams

Thank you for all the fond memories, the smiles and laughter, the joy you shared with the world. You are a special, bright soul,an inspiration loved by so many. You will be deeply missed and forever live on in the hearts of many. I pray you find peace. Prayers and thoughts with your friends and family.

Visiting Mike In September

As many people know, Mike has been staying at his mother's in NJ, working a part time tech job. I have been here in New Orleans. We haven't seen each other since we left Minnesota almost a year ago now. The good news is nearly the full year to the day, I will be flying into NY to see him finally. Come Sept 19th I'll be in NJ and staying for two weeks. It's not a long time, but it's better than not being able to see him at all. We've missed each other terribly. So excited and looking forward to seeing him.

Psoriasis, Socializing

Saw a dermatologist today. It was confirmed, I do have psoriasis. Being an autoimmune skin disease, there is a good chance other stuff might be going on, even if it's not showing in the bloodwork. He wrote several prescriptions for different prescription creams and one for an oral antibiotic to try, but I have to wait because together the damned things cost $400.

Met some really nice people while grocery shopping and waiting for prescriptions. They were interested to know about Ember and service dogs because both the mother and the daughter have medical issues involving mobility problems, and the daughter is in a manual wheelchair and could use help to regain independence. They also shared interests in stones and jewelry, and the son shares similar spiritual views, so we stood around talking forever and shopped together while chatting, until her blood sugar got wonky and Ember started alerting to both of us feeling ill ( was time for my meds and I had some dizzy spells ), which they thought was amazingly awesome.

Also had a kindergarten teacher and her son stop us and politely ask if I wouldn't mind explaining what a service dog was and how different kinds helped people, so I gladly did. She thanked me and said she would share the information with her classes to help the children understand working dogs have important jobs. :)  I gave her a card with some info to check out.

Overall a decent day. Progress one step at a time.

Orange Objects

I think Journey has this thing against orange objects. First it was the neighbor's orange-reddish garden hose. Then the traffic cone. Today it was Homer buckets at Home Depot.

Journey got "get it" !

Aaiiiieeee tooo excited and beaming not to post this update now. I can cheat a little, because Journey made 8 months old today. We have been working on the basic behavior shaping for him to retrieve objects for me, but he proved he is further along than I thought.

Journey picked up his first item out in public today and handed it back to me when I asked!!

Granted, it was a dog toy, but it's the first time he's done it while we have been out shopping and not home. It wasn't one he was playing with either, it was one I accidentally knocked off the rack!!

It fell and I muttered figuring I'd have to somehow raise it where I could reach the tag, but I decided to ask him first. In the past he has picked stuff up but then tosses, drops, or nudges it and flumps on the ground, causing me or Ember to have to get it anyway.

Today he sprawled next to it and nudged it and I was about to resort to collect it myself, but something told me to try one more time. So I asked again. He grabbed it, stood up, and held it till I took it and told him to give it to me, tail wagging the whole time!

He got a huge jackpot and some weird stares from shoppers trying to figure out why I raised such a commotion.

We also met some nice people today and spoke with them about service dogs.


Here is a picture of Ember and Journey. Journey has a tongue to rival that of Gene Simmons from KISS.

Puppy Progress - 6 Months and 7 Months

Things have been crazy busy with one thing after another going on here the past two months, so I haven't had a lot of time to sit and write much of anything in detail. Just to make notes here or there of things I wanted to write about.

Training is going real well. This post will include a recap on how Journey did during 6 months of age and during 7 months of age.





6 Months

Journey is too smart for his own good, and he's in the age range of testing boundaries. I imagine it is something like what the "terrible twos and threes" must be like for toddlers combined with independence of teenagers, where in both cases a sort of "selective hearing" develops.

When responding to commands he knows ( sit, down, etc. ) there is a brief delay. It's probably less than 10sec worth, like his brain skipped a beat on processing as he's deciding if he wants to do it or not. It's amusing to me because I have seen it in client's dogs, but with Ember she is so biddable and eager to please, plus she oftentimes tries to anticipate what I want next, she's already doing something before I have the word fully out of mouth, or with my hand signals.

Journey is an intelligent little Alsatian, so I have to mix up training to keep it interesting for him so he doesn't get bored with it. He's highly food motivated, but not as strongly toy motivated at the moment. That could be because I don't tend to keep a lot of toys with squeakers because Ember used to destroy them too fast and the squeaking can drive you nuts. When Journey joined the family, I did purchase various toys that have squeakers to help with training.

At first I wanted to use them for proofing distractions, figuring he'd be enticed by the squeaking. My worry was while working with him in public until he is more solid on everything, I didn't want people thinking it was "funny" to try and purposefully distract him with squeak toys or things making similar noise...... which yes, I have had happen with Ember when she was in working service dog gear, both at pet stores, and at Walmart. People are thoughtless sometimes.

Much to my delight, he isn't too interested simply by hearing the sound, though he will acknowledge it. He isn't overly eager to interact with it unless you get right up to him with it and encourage him to play. We'll see how well that continues as I use various toys with squeakers while trying to encourage certain prey drive qualities.

Another amusement is his lack of traction on most slick surfaces. We have all tile at my aunt's house with only a handful of rugs. Since Journey first started to grow larger, its a challenge for him to keep his legs under him. It turned into a joke with training because getting him into the "down" position was the easiest thing ever, and he tends to prefer it. Which made it easier with some training because he was less likely to break position from a down than he would have from a sit.

He's been so lanky and growing so fast, I think that is partly why his traction is off. So we practice sitting a lot more than he probably likes, trying to get him to that point of not slipping on smooth floors, since most stores have... smooth floors!  It's a work in progress.

We have been working with shaping behaviors he'll use for service work since we first started training with the basics. Learning the foundations for fetching objects, holding them, giving them when asked, or taking them from me when I offer, to help build when we move on to objects that are not dog toys or chew things. He's already gotten used to lots of different textures from the beginning, so I don't think it will be too difficult. With his puppy teeth gone I just need to teach him to handle these things with a soft mouth. We have also been working on balance and bracing positions, teaching him how to stand and hold a certain position when I ask and point or make a hand signal.

The final highlight is that he finally lifted his leg!  At the end of 5 months he had started to develop his marking bladder and his testicles were dropping, and soon after when he went to do his business instead of the typical full squat, one leg lifted a few inches. He doesn't do it all the time, but he's started doing it more and more frequently.

= = =


7 Months

So many exciting things happened. The first time Journey took the intermittent class in it was a really small class, and both the dogs were small dogs and were over a year old, so he didn't get as much in the sense of socialization as I was hoping for. They let us retake the class, and we did so with a different trainer. By waiting a little longer we got lucky with a much larger class full of various sized dogs with various temperaments, including one that ended up being fear-reactive. It made things very interesting! And it was an amazing learning experience for Journey.

In the previous class the weeks prior, he'd been more inclined to be a puppy and would get excited and playful on leash, and if a strange dog barked and pulled toward him, he'd attempt to do the same, which is normal. Thankfully I could get him to refocus on me and with a lot of "leave it" work, he grew out of that phase.

We got more practice in with the new class, him learning to ignore the distractions of the other dogs pulling at leash, sniffing at him while I asked him to focus on me and ignore them, and ignoring the barking of one and some reactive outbursts from the other. I was so proud of how well he took to it. After the initial group meetup for the first class being so exciting with strange new people and dogs, by the end of the second class he was doing remarkably well with keeping his attention on me when I asked him to ignore whatever was happening at any given time with the other dogs.

The class trainer tried to demo with him because he was more advanced than the other dogs in class, since he had already taken it, and for the fact I have been training with him since he was a tiny pup, and he wanted to keep his focus on me and at first tried to ignore her. Which is brilliant, because I don't want him to listen to just anyone trying to come up and give him a command unless I give him permission or turn him over to someone else to handle.

My reason for this goes back to the whole problem I have had at points while out working with Ember and Journey both for public access stuff, and people trying to distract them by calling to them, making barking noises at them, and even trying to tell them to "come here" or "sit" and other stuff. Most of the time it is kids or teens who have done it, but I have caught adults in the act as well. What makes it worse is when they try, and the dog ignores them... so they try harder!  Really people?

I normally turn and address them and give them a polite but stern talking to about why they shouldn't do that ever again if a dog is working. They could risk getting the dog or handler injured by distracting them, and be liable for it.  When they are old enough to know better, most of them are embarrassed and apologize. I'd rather educate them than yell at them, but some people really try ever last ounce of patience I have on a given day.

We practiced more with distance and duration. He's pretty solid with it at home, and is getting better about it in public. We have been working on heel work from the base form you learn when you first take the class. He still gets ahead of himself at points but does well on loose leash for the most part without pulling. It's like with most dogs, they move faster than we do and he gets impatient and walks a little faster. So I simply stop or turn about and reposition him before continuing. I am hoping to start building on skills for much more advanced heeling techniques.

New Rheumatologist

Monday was much better with this new Rheumatologist. It was like a night and day difference compared to the jerk one I saw. This new doctor was considerate and awesome, and so were all the staff.


He actually asked if I had ever applied for disability. He's the first who ever has. It made me feel like I was dreaming.  I explained I would have but had gone through so much hell and so many doctors who were reluctant to help with it, that I needed one to support me during the process, and jokingly said by all means he could if he wanted ( most of them have just laughed it off in the past and didn't take it seriously.. wanted me to "wait and see if it got better.." even after dealing with this for over 8yrs )....

He nodded while looking at the paperwork and said "Sure, I'd be happy to".

It took me by surprise, like... did I just hear him right?

He did a full body exam and looked over all the paperwork I brought and asked relevant questions as we went along. He definitely thinks I have severe Fibromyalgia, and he agrees he feels something else is going on causing the other stuff. What, he's not sure. Which I am okay with, because like he said "you can't diagnose something like this in less than an hour". But it was a night and day difference compared to the last guy I saw who blew me off.

One thing I that kinda made me iffy, is that he doesn't believe in seronegative autoimmune stuff. He's one of those doctors of the belief you either have it or do not, but he also said "who is he to argue with Mayo Clinic or any other doctor". So maybe he is willing to be open minded in the event nothing else can be found... I have all the other symptoms, and even showing him a pic I took of a face rash he was like "huh.. that does look a lot like a lupus rash".

Like many doctors who have opened up to the possibility have said "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...."

During my next visit I plan to bring in some articles I have come across online about seronegative stuff.  I am hoping after reading some of them, he might be more willing to consider it possible. In the meantime, I am still keeping my ears open for anyone in the area who is openly accepting of it. As with many other things, the South is behind the curve medically speaking, so it is possible he hasn't seen or heard enough convincing research or talked with other doctors who have clinically treated people for it despite their bloodwork coming back negative, if they persisted with all other symptoms long term.

Funny enough, this guy's office is literally right across the street from the old hospital my mother worked for yeaaars ago, before Katrina. It was weird being back there and seeing how much it all changed.

I actually didn't need a referral for this guy. I called their office when I found it listed online. The doctor I wanted to see had retired, so I saw this guy instead. And amazingly, I got this appt a week out from asking for it. It was a smaller clinic, everyone there staff and all was amazingly nice.

The new doctor is amazing in comparison and seems like he genuinely wants to help figure all this out. He's also helped me find a new general practitioner, which I was also still waiting on with the last clinic since I moved back down here. I have referrals and need to get more testing, but one day with him got me further than months of waiting with the other place.

We'll see what happens.

Abridged Update

I have been busy since my last lengthy update trying to catch up on everything I hadn't been able to do while my wrist was bothering me, including a ton of art and design related things.

So far, my wrist has been holding up pretty good. I am still being careful and taking plenty of breaks, and wearing the brace when I do anything with items weighing more than a few pounds. It's so wonderful to be able to sculpt again and make things.

Last week our power went out for several hours in the evening on a night I had planned to sculpt and work online. Rather than sit in the dark and do nothing, I decided to amuse myself by attempting to sculpt... in the dark!

I tried to record a little here and there with my smartphone, but it's not the best quality since there was not any light except my LED lantern, and only a small portion of what I did because I had limited battery. If it came out okay, I will process and upload it at some point.


Last we left off with medical updates, I was waiting to hear back on the bloodwork. I waited for over a month, calling and waiting to hear back from them, playing phone tag. Finally get told they *only* ran the ANA... after telling me it would be a more detailed test. Between the doctor and the lab order, it got screwed up and they only ran the one, with the results being exactly like they were every other time - weak negative, which everyone considers as "negative". When I expressed my displeasure about the messup, the nurse was short and rude with me, and told me she'd have to call me back after she checked. Which, she never did.

Their incompetence was infuriating, and after all the trouble I had with that hospital chain between the security guard giving me a hard time over Ember, ER meh, run-around with trying to get a referral and waiting months, blunders from their clinics and total disregard by one of their jaded specialists, I will be filing complaints and won't be using them for anything in the future unless I have absolutely no choice. I honestly expected more from them, as big a name as they carry.


I saw a new Rheumatologist on Monday who was amazingly better by far than the jerk I first saw. I've written a separate post to share info on how that went.

Wasabi had to go to the vet last week. He's had a lump on his belly that I thought was a nipple, but then it got a little larger and I kept an eye on it and he didn't seem bothered by it. Then it got bigger again where it could really be felt and was inflamed, so I scraped together the last $100 Mike and I had and took him to the vet. The lump is in fact one of his little nipples and it was inflamed and angry. So they gave him an injection kinda like they did for my wrist ( ouch poor boy! ) and gave me an expensive cream to put on it and waiting to see how he does. It hasn't changed much so far. I have a feeling I might have to take him back in. Which is going to cost more money. :/ I just hope it's nothing serious.

Otherwise things have been as okay as they can be. Dog training stuff is going well. I have a separate update for that as well. Have a ton of creative stuff to finish and take pictures of, and ideas to bring to life, so stay tuned!

Wrist Action

REJOICE!!  I can sculpt again!!! I missed mooshing clay so much with my wrist being hurt all this time. Hadn't been able to do much of anything art related or otherwise since back in Nov 2013. Hopefully the steroid shot will last. So excited I can finally get back to creating things!

Rheuma-Fail

The Rheumatologist appointment Friday left much to be desired. The doctor was in a hurry because they were busy, and his bedside manner was horrid. He didn't even do a full body exam ( me being a brand new patient he'd never seen ). He was dismissive and condescending and didn't listen to anything I had to say. My mother was with me and she tried to keep interjecting as well. He handled me very roughly the whole time, despite realizing as a Fibromyalgia patient I experience a lot of pain on top of normal pain people feel. He wasn't taking anything seriously, and it wasn't until I insisted he look at my feet, took my shoes and socks off and he saw my feet and ankles and how bad they were that his attitude changed at all.

He ordered autoimmune bloodwork, but I am worried some of it is the same testing I have had done a million times before, which will come back negative as the belief is I am sero-negative. I expressed this concern to him asking to go right for the biopsy instead because I know bloodwork will come back negative and because I am paying out of pocket, NOT through insurance, I am trying to save on costs of unnecessary testing because that is all I have dealt with for years. I am sick and tired of being ignored because bloodwork "looks okay" yet present multitude of symptoms that do not improve, but have only gotten worse over time. He brushed off my concerns and said we had to do those tests first. I am waiting for the results, should have them next week. If they are "okay" ( which is typical of my bloodwork over years of dealing with this ), then my next appointment isn't for another 3 months. Otherwise they want to refer me to a dermatologist for my skin issues. I am hesitant to think anything helpful will come from it.

The only remote good thing of the whole experience is that I was right on one self-diagnosis all along. I have De Quervain's tenosynovitis in my injured wrist. He squeezed it and it hurt so much the way he did, I saw red and it started to trigger my pre-syncope symptoms.

He'd actually gone on with the other stuff at first and not even bothered to tell me anything about how to treat my wrist and had ended the appointment before we were even finished, and we had to call him back into the room and say "Okay, well what am I supposed to do for it?" He tells me do do the same thing I have been doing for months, and at this point I am furious and frustrated from his dismissive attitude during the rest of the appointment and I snapped that I *HAD* been doing that with little improvement and was sick and tired of not being able to function with that, on top all the other crap I deal with.

He finally decided to give me a corticosteroid shot into the wrist / tendon sheath and oh my gods did it hurt from the pressure going in, but it had a numbing agent mixed in, and after the initial jolt my whole hand went numb. Was told not to use it for up to 48hrs. Easier said than done, but I have taken it easy since.

I am really of the mindset to file a complaint about how poorly I felt treated as a new patient seeing a strange doctor for the first time, but I am not sure who to file the complaint with. I only saw him specifically because a friend recommended him and liked him, and since she is sero-neg I figured he might have further insight and actually be able to help me. But all he succeeded in doing was upsetting me more than I was already upset to begin with.

I'll wait and see what the test results say this week, but I am feeling like it was a waste of time and waste of money that could have been spent with a Rheumatologist that would actually listen to everything I had to say and give me a proper exam, since you know, I am *paying* for it.

So now I need to probably find a new Rheumatologist that I can go see. It's really infuriating having to "shop around" to find a good doctor and not have medical coverage, because the cost of appointments on top of actually waiting for appointment openings is insane.

Puppy Progress - 5 Months

Journey and Ember napping.


With all the bad stuff that happened last month, haven't had a chance to really sit and recap on Journey's progress during the month of May until now.  He made 5 months old May 4th.  He'll be 6 months old tomorrow.

This one will be a little short, as I am going to do a more detailed update within the next week or two for the 6th month old mark.

In May Journey went to a dog park for the first time and did amazingly well. His leash-less long distance recall was flawless ( which makes me SO HAPPY I cannot describe the happy ) coming back to me every time I called him back, even when there were more interesting things ( running dogs, running kids, and even a mild scuffle that broke out when some dogs got to rough across the park).

We also took an intermediate education class, which he passed and graduated from in the middle of the month.

Journey has also shed all of his puppy teeth!  They started appearing and I started collecting them. I'll have to do a count to see how many I have, but I did manage to get both eye teeth!  Puppy teeeeeeeef arremmmgawds. I may have missed a few, but I got most of them.

He worked on down / stays and sit /stays with distance and duration and before I had totally proofed it, I had to run out of the room in a rush at one point and gave him a down /stay command and figured he'd be following right after me as soon as I left the room and was gone for more than a minute. BUT HE STAYED!!!  Oh my gods when I went back in he was laying there waiting and he got soooooooo much praise I think he exploded.

Those are the main highlights I can think of. Will discuss more in the next update.

Better Things

This month has already started out better. Spent yesterday and most of today hanging out with a friend I only originally knew online and really connected with her and those around her. Had one of the most welcoming experiences I have in a long time. Sava, thank you and Tak for letting us stay the night when I had my "spell".

Stopped in Slidell today to get some supplies so I could get those commissions I have pending turned out ( finally! ). My wrist popped the other day ( hurt like a bitch ) and some of the pain and tension is less than it has been for months after continuing with PT exercises. It still hurts to grasp/twist and move it certain ways and lift heavy objects, but some of the range of motion is better. Hopefully if I am careful, it'll behave and let me get these sculptures and a few other things finished, and move on to other things I have been wanting to do for months.

Saw Delta Pet was still there. It's been sooooo long since I had seen everyone there. I have been shopping with them and known them all since I was a little kid, but lost touch after Katrina and moving away. Wanted to say hello and catch up with them all. Was really wonderful seeing them and how the store had changed. Chatted with them about the animals and stuff in general, and Mr John the owner wants me to bring in some art and displays and we're going to try to figure out where to fit them in the store! Soooo excited and feeling so blessed by the generosity.

Poor Possum

Coming home tonight, about to make the turn to come back to the house and see something on the curb of the median. The car in front of me hits it. It was a possum. I managed to miss it and so did the car behind me because I slowed down and breaked suddenly and swerved.

Ran inside after I parked in the driveway, grabbed a broom and large upright/stick dustpan and ran back out with my aunt looking at me like "WTF are you doing?" and me calling back that I'd explain after.

I ran back across the street, managed to find it, still alive but hard to tell how badly hurt. There was some blood but otherwise nothing ripped that I could see and nothing dripping all over. Tried getting it on the dustpan with it hissing and chorking and making horrid angry noises. Managed to scoop/guide the possum up onto the median. The road is 4 lane divided by median, 2 lanes each side.

Dustpan broke when I tried to pick the possum up in it because it was so heavy... ran back across the street and grabbed the only thing I could... old jaw action poop-scoop my aunt has off to the side and is actually pretty clean ( it is old and not used much )... run back across the street, put the jaws on either side of possum and scooped it up, and proceeded to carry it back to our side of the street, set it down a time or two to rest. Managed to get it back to the dark alley on the side of the house and placed it by a bush, which it crawled under. It was snarking at me the whole time and despite a slight limp it looked okay and moved okay.

My ankle is *screaming* at me for attempting to jog/run on it when it was already very angry.  But at least the possum is away from the road now.  Hopefully it'll recover and move on its way overnight.