Happy Easter

Happy Easter to those who celebrate it. Have a wonderful day.

Discrimination

I just got confirmation that I was discriminated against for a job I applied for several months ago. The position was for dog training, which is something I have years of hands on experience with, in various environments, and related to my college studies in biology and behavioral psychology. I have continued to advance my knowledge by reading related materials, attending seminars, and continuing education sorts of things, including working toward applying for my CGC evaluator certification and CPDT certification. I even personally trained my own pet dog to become an organization certified service dog. Things all discussed through the multiple interview process I went through.

Who gets hired instead? Someone with *NO* animal training experience whatsoever. Apparently this person was originally hired on to be one of the managers, but didn't work out for that position. So instead, they were 'demoted' into the open position I had applied for.

The original manager that *personally asked me* to apply for this position (we met and interacted in the store on numerous occasions and she had seen me work with Ember and knew me as a Camp Companion volunteer), had brought me in for an interview, and was ready to hire me.

Sadly, she quit during the process ( I think she was getting flack pressure from district about 'numbers/stats' and other bad stuff but I don't know all the details).  When the new temp management took over, no one bothered to contact me for a follow up like they told me they would, despite several attempts I made to follow up with them when I found out the manager I knew had left.

There were certain things overheard during the hiring consideration, related to myself and employees who currently work there about how they "didn't want more people with health problems working there".

So instead, you'll hire 20 year olds fresh out of school ( most of which have no training experience, though some do ) that are only looking for a job to have a job, and have no intention of making it a lifelong career, especially with your corporation, as has been proven by your store's track record for the past several years. They last 6 months, if even.

I can understand somewhat from a business perspective....employees miss work here or there, compensating for it and possibly losing a little money or productivity here or there. But really? Life happens. We are not robots. And your store being a huge corporation, it is not going to hurt you like it might for smaller private businesses, which even then is still unfounded grounds not to hire someone because they "might miss work because they have health issues".

You are walking a very dangerous line by making such statements, and still claiming to be an "equal opportunity employer".  Your inflated corporate ego has smashed the caring principles your store and business were originally founded on, and I am not the only one who is disgusted by it.

You are not the only company I tried to work for, or actually have worked for and been forced to leave, who has demonstrated such horrible attitude and lack of consideration for their workers. Only previously, I didn't realize how wrong the way I was treated was, and how much of a ground I had to stand on, because at the time, I hadn't been fully diagnosed with any chronic health conditions I'd have to live with the rest of my life.

Now, I know better, and I know my rights.

You just opened a huge can of worms.

Really?

Dear potential employers:

Choosing not to hire me because of what potential problems you *think* my medical issues *might* cause *IS* discrimination.

Choosing to hire someone else instead of me because they don't have medical issues or a service dog *IS* discrimination.

Sadness

Wunjo, my 14yr old corn snake just crossed the rainbow bridge tonight. She'll join Algiz and Ozzy, and the others. Rest easy baby girl.

Medical adventures

Today's medical adventure was fun. They poked me with needles, then they sliced and scanned me!

Ughghg the blood draw though. I think she took 6 vials. Normally they only take 2 or 3, so not sure what tests the doctor ordered in addition to what we discussed when I was there. The nurse stuck me and started the draw, switched vials... and kept switching, and switching, and switching..... and I was like... whaaaaa.

Since I had to fast last night and wasn't able to take my medications before the lab draw, we got a wheelchair escort to be on the safe side and avoid potential syncope episodes. They wheeled us back and forth between Baldwin and Gonda.

Ember did real well with the wheelchair and elevators, despite the limited exposure she's had to working with me in a wheelchair. She followed into elevators and backed out of them beautifully and laid quietly in the exam room, curiously watching the bone density scanner as it did its thing. It was interesting watching the monitor and program they use for it. It slices the scan into segments as it works to complete the image.  Waiting on results.

Muttled thoughts

Spent all day working on art, updating online galleries and shop. Wondering why I bother anymore. Played phone tag with doctors, hospital, and state aid. Blood work and bone density scan tomorrow. Trying to get as much medical diagnostic stuff done with Mayo as I can, while I can.

They had a "going away" thing for Mike at work today. As of this Friday, he's getting laid off and will be unemployed. Which means no steady source of household income. Not sure what's going to happen now. Probably be forced to move and leave Minnesota.

Which means no more access to Mayo Clinic and its state of the art healthcare and diagnostic capabilities for my quirky healthcare needs, no more access to the support and help from Can Do Canines and so many other friendships and communities I have become a part of over the five years we have been here, that have helped keep me going. No more access to the clay studio, so everything I have tried to invest in to make the ceramics and pottery thing work as a source of income, is going to fall apart and be for nothing.

Doesn't matter anymore. Just writing to sort out thoughts.

Pottery update: Feb 2013 batch

Here is some pottery I made back at the end of Feb. Had to wait to fire them. Experiments with different glaze and surface techniques.


Sun Splotch Pot Planter Trinket Dish

Etsy Listing

Best of the batch, a little pot that would be good for a small plant or trinkets.

Jug Vase

Etsy Listing

A little jug inspired vase, minus handle. I really love the glaze blend here, and the surface experimentation. I intentionally left edges resisted to give a melted appearance.

Potion Bottle Vase

Etsy Listing

A little potion bottle. The glaze effect on this one is very neat in person. The colors remind me of some sort of plant leaf.

Tiny Vase

Etsy Listing

Another tiny test vase with glaze layering. It had an accident in the kiln, but rather than scrap the piece I cleaned it up as best I could and smoothed the edges. The unglazed edge adds the interesting texture of the exposed clay.

All of them are for sale, listed on my Etsy shop.  More coming later.

Thanks for looking!

Shop updates incoming

Uploading new things to Etsy throughout the day. Might also try listing a few things on eBay. Any recommendations?

https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeopardWolf

One step closer to the edge.

Thanks to those of you who have offered support in reference to my last post about Mike losing his job at the end of the month.  I have a ton of art stuff I will be posting over the next week, and current commissions I am almost finished with. We can use as much help as we can get right now. Word of mouth can sometimes do amazing things. I think we do seriously need a long vacation. It's just been one thing after another since Hurricane Katrina. Not just little every day nonsense stuff... major stuff that has just sapped our will and energy. Mike keeping the job this long has been godsend, but in the meantime we had that security, we had the nasty neighbors and BS we were dealing with and the financial expenses from that and my medical stuff, and other things happening, losing good friends and family to illness. It just really starts to wear on you after a while, no matter how optimistic you try to be.

Not having any time to really cope with or heal from the last upset, before you are facing another of equal or worse nastiness.  I keep thinking in terms of karma, and wondering what on earth I could have possibly done wrong in past lives to have it all come back like this now, and I constantly feel like a bad person for talking about it, because bad things of various significant magnitudes have gone on for upwards of gods... 8yrs now...?

Realizing it has been that long just makes me cry. People who still care are probably at a loss because there's only so many things that can be said to say how sorry you feel for someone else's misfortune.  By now most people are probably thinking "Geeze, what now? Just shut up" and just don't care anymore.

Lets be honest, most people don't use and watch online journals or various other social networking platforms to constantly hear about how bad someone's life is. I think and feel differently than most 'normal' people, see past the surface. I don't care if it is good or bad. If I am friends with someone or genuinely care about someone or something, I am going to be there no matter what, through the good times and the bad. Even if you can't always find the right words for a situation, just letting someone know they are not alone and you think of them or send positive thoughts or energy, or in the right situations make others aware of their need, it can make an immeasurable difference. There were some points things like that were all that kept me going. Then I think of other people out there, who have it worse off than we do, and I am thankful for the little we do have.

I try so hard to focus on all the good, to write about the good and share the good despite the sometimes overwhelming bad I am dealing with. A lot of things I *don't* talk about or bring up, because I don't want to bother anyone with it, and a lot of it isn't of much importance in the long run.

As much as I wish it were always nothing but sunshine and rainbows, it's not. I try to approach it all realistically, and write about all my life experiences, because that's what the whole point of it is to me. Keeping track of things happening over time, so I can look back on it and remember the good times, learn from the bad times, and realize how much I have managed to endure over the years, in hopes it might give me strength to keep going.

I have picked myself up so many times, I am losing that strength and will. All I am thinking is "Why do I bother anymore?"  I'm so sick and tired of everything. I don't have it in me to stand against that overwhelming darkness and uncertainty again.

Deja Vu

I had some hardcore premonitional deja vu this evening. When I experience these things, it's always connected to something happening. Not certain if it's because of the situation coming up at the end of the month, or something else yet to present itself. Has happened several other times leading up to now.

Mike's getting laid off from his job

After a meeting this morning, it's pretty much confirmed that with Mayo having another hire freeze and unable to extend Mike's contract because he's been there 2yrs, he's done at the end of the month and they're laying him off. He should be able to get unemployment, but it won't be enough for us to survive on. We're already struggling with his being the only income right now, since the social aid denied renewing my unemployment because I didn't make $2,500 on any jobs while on unemployment.... yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So unless I find a way to start making more steady income off my art and design work and such, or someone finally decides to hire me, we're screwed and I am spiraling back into bad mental space. My optimism has just about run out.

Melt it all away

With the sun melting some winter away, I have been listening to and watching ( shadows of ) icicles fall all day. Some crunch, some jingle.

Service dog, alert humor

Something funny happened a few weeks ago, and I almost forgot to write about it. Ember can alert other people if I need help, and normally does so by nudging with her snout or pawing a certain way, normally targeting leg / thigh area. She will be more persistent if the person doesn't respond quick enough, or if the situation is more serious, alerting more forcefully or repeatedly to get the person's attention so they know she is alerting.

I was coming downstairs and had a sudden pain jolt and got very dizzy, and my eyes kept forcing themselves shut and burning and refused to stay open. Ember immediately came and sat with me to make sure I was okay, but she didn't have her work harness on and I couldn't see. Mike was in the living room, laying back on the reclining couch watching a movie with loud explosions, so he couldn't hear me call for him.

So I sent Ember to get him. She took off like a bolt of lightning, and a few seconds later I hear "OOGGHRAHAHRTHAHHHOWWHHHGHH"

Then a very long pause with various sounds of pain. The TV was muted and Mike called out painfully "Did you send her?"

I told him I did, I was on the stairs and needed his help and asked what happened, though I had a feeling I knew the answer.  And sure enough.

Ember had paw-slammed him right in the crotch with both paws, full force.

I guess because he was reclining, she couldn't touch the side of his leg or figure out how else to target that area because he had blankets on him and she couldn't see, so she improvised.

He was eventually able to come help me, and we had a good laugh and joked that we'd need to work on that one, because it doesn't do any good to have her get help if the help is incapacitated due to unfortunate placement of paws, in regards to male subjects.

Trying to be productive

Working on various art projects, attempting to clean and organize art area and storage, and trying to think positive thoughts. Praying Mike can keep his job at Mayo and they don't lay him off at the end of the month.

Oral Surgery Pending

I hath returned. I have been on strong pain killers and antibiotics to treat the abscesses while *still* waiting to undergo oral surgery. Third time and third hospital / clinic is a charm? Long story short, Mayo can and will do the procedure, but doesn't have a contract with the state dental aid, so it would cost a lot more, and be out of pocket.

I had to get an emergency referral to a hospital in Minneapolis ( almost 2hrs from where we live ) and hope that they will do the procedure for me. I have spent the entire month fighting with various people trying to get everything straightened out just so I can get these damaged teeth taken care of before they get worse, and I am still waiting to hear back from the new hospital, who has been notoriously horrible about returning calls like they said they would.


Recapping since my last update:

The pain was really bad because the infection flared up again. It had a few days to set in because I was denied a prescription for antibiotics and more pain killer by the Mayo oral surgeon I had been referred to, despite him noting signs of the infection returning upon the original Mayo consult at the beginning of February.

I had asked him during that visit about getting more medicine to keep it under control because I could 'feel' it starting to feel like it had before when it got real bad and he said he'd prescribe some after the procedure if needed. We thought it would be done the following week after state aid cleared. Then I find out Mayo doesn't have a contract with the state dental aid. So they were ready to do the procedure and set a date and time, and medical aid would pay for the operation setup and anesthesia part of it. But it doesn't cover the work on the teeth and the extractions, that's dental aid.

So I was forced to wait in limbo as no one did their jobs and I had to end up making calls myself to the state aid to get straight answers, because a a very snarky nasty woman in Mayo's estimations department just told me I was SOL, instead of explaining correctly and clearly what had happened, and instead told me no matter what my aid companies told me, it would be incorrect and they wouldn't cover the procedure so I would have to go somewhere else.

So that was another week and a half of waiting for no reason. When the infection blew up again because I had been forced to wait so long without being treated, I contacted the Mayo oral surgeon so I could get a prescription for the antibiotic and Vicoprofen, because at that point the pain was a blinding hot evil pain, the gums and jaw were obviously puffy, warm, and swollen and I could not move my mouth/jaw without excruciating pain, the slightest touch set it off. Mike was ready to take me to the ER a few different times when it got real bad since I wasn't getting any help or relief and wasn't able to eat or sleep and a few points near passing out from the overwhelming pain.

I had to call several times to get anyone to return my call, only to find out after the staff told the oral surgeon what was going on that "he was no longer treating me since they didn't take the state aid dental contract, and wouldn't write any prescriptions for me".   Go back to the oral surgeon who referred you to us or your normal dentist, they told me.

The normal dentist I was seeing had left the clinic I used to go to and was between practices, and neither of those clinics take the state aid, so I couldn't see them. So I called the original oral surgeon who didn't want to do the procedure because of my autonomic quirks, and they said they wouldn't write any prescriptions for me because they had referred me to Mayo, and Mayo should be the ones doing it, which made sense.

So I called Mayo back and explained all this, and they still outright refused to write a prescription for the antibiotic despite how obvious it was I desperately needed one. So WTF am I supposed to do because you won't help me, I asked them. You need to go find a new normal dentist, they tell me. Are you serious? It's not like I was asking for anything extreme. Just an antibiotic and Vicoprofen. I wasn't asking for anything stronger or insane like Oxycodone or Morphine or anything horrible.

I was lividly angry at that point, and between the overwhelming pain and the anger and frustration, I couldn't think straight. Here it was mid afternoon and I am scrambling like mad before the weekend to find a dentist that accepts the state aid. After many calls, I finally found one, and almost died when they told me they couldn't see me till April (it was mid Feb then ). When I explained it was an emergency and everything about the infection/abscess, they fit me in.

It was a low income clinic, but they were very nice. The doc took one look at the xray they took, carefully peeked in my mouth with a wince and said "Yeaaah don't worry about trying to open all the way, I can see it fine as is. I have no problem writing those prescriptions for you, you need them with those teeth looking like that. Anyone would."

She could see they'd abscessed again and the inflammation was spreading. I had only actually asked for the antibiotic, because I was afraid they might turn me down if I asked for the pain med since it's narcotic. She asked me if I needed stronger stuff than OTC meds, and I told her that would be nice since Aleve wasn't working, and she was like "Yeah, I wouldn't imagine it would".

She wrote me the prescription for antibiotics and the pain killer, was nice enough to write another referral for me noting the inflammation and infection as of her current examination, and wished me luck. Later I got a call back from a case worker with the dental aid, and they put in an emergency request for a mandated condition procedure so I could go to the new hospital in Minneapolis that could do the surgery with anesthesia, and is apparently the only clinic local enough that accepts both state medical aid and state dental aid. Apparently Mayo and Olmstead Medical, which are the two major hospitals here in town, do not accept the state contract, which amazes me in a "WTF why not?" sort or way.

It's insane I had to rush to find a new dentist and get an emergency visit with them, just so I could get an antibiotic to get relief until I could go to the hospital in Minneapolis, because the oral surgeons who had seen me most recently and knew the condition of these teeth ( which would theoretically only get worse over time if left untreated ) refused, and for what reason? I have never, ever had such a bad experience with anything medically related, but this experience made me very angry with Mayo, specifically the oral surgery department.

I feel like their refusal made me suffer longer than I should have had to, and gave the infection and searing pain a chance to get worse, before I was able to find someone who would give me an antibiotic. Sorry, but you don't just ignore a patient who is in such a bad situation.

Which came up in conversation in the next part of this epic and insane journey through medical red tape BS. I had to jump through hoops just to get an appointment at this new place, because they didn't have any set appointments since they work trauma and such. So I had to call on a specific day, and that 'reserved' me a consult for a week out from that day.

The day before the consult at the new hospital, I managed to get a last minute appointment with the RN who I was assigned to when my normal doctor left for his fellowship middle of last year. I hadn't been in to the clinic in a year because I didn't have insurance, didn't have money, and owed them so much from all the previous testing which still didn't give any concrete answers except I have some form of Dysautonomia and something else with my body is not quite right, on top of the Fibromyalgia.

When you have chronic ongoing issues like that and need medication and such, it's not a good thing to not be able to see your doctor. I discussed some things with the RN about getting a note or medical info to bring to the dental consult specifically requesting the anesthesia due to medical necessity with my autonomic issue, renewing my handicap hang tag, and discussed symptoms I have still been experiencing despite my medicine, which prompted her to look at my lab records and order some bloodwork and tests that I apparently never had done, that might shed some light on a few things. I will be having those things done after the oral surgery is completed.

She was awesome enough to dictate the letter right there while in the exam room over their recording system, and ask one of the office staff to expedite it since I needed it for the following day, and have it brought to us so I could walk out with it. It was refreshing to have such a positive Mayo experience after all the other BS I had dealt with that week from the Mayo oral surgery department.

The following day, up to Minneapolis Ember and I went. After some confusion on where we were supposed to go to find this place in this huge hospital facility in metro Minneapolis, we finally found our way there and went through the same steps as each previous consult.

Enter medical info into system, get a panoramic xray, and speak with dental professionals. Overall the staff, and really everyone we ran in to walking around on site, were really nice and rather curious about Ember. People were a lot more talkative and interactive than what we experience in Rochester, and I can't even say it's because people are more or less used to seeing service dogs working. Can Do Canines is in the Twin Cities, but in Rochester there are very few working teams as compared to how many are in Minneapolis and surrounding areas. People just sometimes seem more reserved to start conversation on the topic, I guess because they are afraid to offend or violate the ADA or something.

I kept hearing people in the hall muttering things about the neat dog in the exam room, which made me giggle to myself. When heading to get the xray, a group of the staff was discussing something about another patient, and paused to say hello and tell us how beautiful they thought Ember was and ask about what breed she was. We had a lot of people guess flat coat retriever, which is the closest pure breed she resembles, except she has brown brindle on her legs and they do not.

One of the staff politely asked if they could pet her. I explained she was working at the moment, but on our way back when we got back to the exam room, I'd let them. So a few minutes later we came back and I gave Ember her que and had her go into a polite sit/stay while seven or so people from the department got their dog fix at work, haha. It seemed to brighten their moods, which made us happy, and Em loved the attention. Afterwards Em went back into serious mode and the staff all promptly went and washed their hands at nearby basins.

One of the medical staff came in to examine me and discuss options after he looked at the xray and at the teeth directly. As with all the previous experiences, he admitted that I was a special case for them, and they were not totally sure of the best way to proceed since I was requesting the anesthesia, but just like everyone else agreed the teeth needed to come out.

When I explained the whole horrid experience with the Mayo oral surgeon refusing to write the prescription for the antibiotic and pain med, he frowned a lot and said "I probably shouldn't even say anything about it, but you don't need to be a doctor to look in there and realize it's infected and needs medication. Whether you are the one doing the procedure or not, you don't just see a patient and then not treat something like that, especially when it is so bad and effecting the patient so much."

He asked me a lot of questions about my medical history and I mentioned to him as I had every other oral surgeon person that I have had surgeries previously, including the recent laparoscopy turned appendectomy which was full OR sedation, and the upper GI endoscopy and colonoscopy which were IV sedations, and I was fine with the anesthesia. He left the room at a few different points to speak with other staff about my situation, and at one point I heard someone else out in the hall say something like "just let her know we can't guarantee anesthesia can be used", which really smashed my hope that this was going to be any easier.

He came back and we discussed a few other things, and that came up, and I flat out told him if they forced me to be awake for the extractions, that I knew I would feel the pain through the normal numbing medications they use ( the stuff doesn't work well for me because of my quirky hyper-sensitive pain receptors ), as I have had similar issues in the past, and that it would trigger an autonomic response that would cause me to pass out on them, not to mention how much it would effect my blood pressure and whatnot just leading up to the actual extractions. I also expressed my concern that since both teeth are only half teeth or less and damage extensive, that I was afraid of it all shattering when they tried to do the extraction and just making it worse if I was conscious during it all.

I told him the only reason I had ever told any of them about it, is because it had been recommended by my doctors in the past that because of my combo of rapid heart rate and low blood pressure and the quirks with them interacting, I should mention it to medical professionals any time anesthesia was involved, just to be on the safe side so they were aware of it and no surprises. But informing any of these clinics has worked against me from the beginning, to the point where I think they get paranoid about agreeing to do anything. Because they are afraid of a lawsuit?  It's not like I am asking for an insanely complicated procedure, just knock me out and remove two teeth. Mayo was ready to do it without any other questions, until they realized I had state dental aid and turned me away.

We left off with them basically telling me my case would have to be reviewed by the people who would probably be doing the surgery, so they could decide if it was possible to use anesthesia, and if they could do it with IV sedation or if they'd have to go full out OR setup for sedation. All of which they'll have to get prior authorizations from the medical and dental aid.  They were supposed to call me back the next day and let me know what they decided, and never did. So I waited and called back beginning of this week, and proceeded to play phone tag, waiting on hold for a total of a little over an hour between the multiple calls, only to be sent to a voicemail so I could leave a message for one of the surgery nurses there. Who hasn't returned any of my calls.

I called back and expressed my increasing aggravation at not knowing what the hell was going on because no one was bothering to contact me and let me know what they were going to do. I actually talked to the same desk staff person multiple times, and she apologized that she couldn't get access to any of the info, for whatever reason I have no idea, but she told me to try calling back the next morning and they'd try and grab someone on the medical staff who could talk to me.

So that brings us to current time. I called this morning and it was like night and day, the person who answered the call took all my info and got me to a very helpful person in the correct department, who also took the time to take all of my info and assured me that she was going to go speak to the medical staff for me and call me back with info before the end of the day. Maybe someone flagged my account with a note, maybe things service wise just go downhill there after 12pm with whoever handles the phone lines.

I got a call back and the new hospital has agreed to do general anesthesia in an operating room for the procedure!  Now the only thing we are waiting for is the prior authorization requests from the state aid to approve it all. I really hope they don't give me a hard time over this sedation thing, and I can finally just get the surgery scheduled and get this taken care of once and for all.

Back to playing catchup with emails, posts, and comments.