Thanks to those of you who have
offered support in reference to my last post about Mike losing his job
at the end of the month. I have a ton of art stuff I will be posting
over the next week, and current commissions I am almost finished with.
We can use as much help as we can get right now. Word of mouth can
sometimes do amazing things. I think we do seriously need a long
vacation. It's just been one thing after another since Hurricane
Katrina. Not just little every day nonsense stuff... major stuff that
has just sapped our will and energy. Mike keeping the job this long has
been godsend, but in the meantime we had that security, we had the nasty
neighbors and BS we were dealing with and the financial expenses from
that and my medical stuff, and other things happening, losing good
friends and family to illness. It just really starts to wear on you
after a while, no matter how optimistic you try to be.
Not having any time to really cope with or heal from the last upset,
before you are facing another of equal or worse nastiness. I keep
thinking in terms of karma, and wondering what on earth I could have
possibly done wrong in past lives to have it all come back like this
now, and I constantly feel like a bad person for talking about it,
because bad things of various significant magnitudes have gone on for
upwards of gods... 8yrs now...?
Realizing it has been that long just makes me cry. People who still
care are probably at a loss because there's only so many things that can
be said to say how sorry you feel for someone else's misfortune. By
now most people are probably thinking "Geeze, what now? Just shut up"
and just don't care anymore.
Lets be honest, most people don't use and watch online journals or
various other social networking platforms to constantly hear about how
bad someone's life is. I think and feel differently than most 'normal'
people, see past the surface. I don't care if it is good or bad. If I am
friends with someone or genuinely care about someone or something, I am
going to be there no matter what, through the good times and the bad.
Even if you can't always find the right words for a situation, just
letting someone know they are not alone and you think of them or send
positive thoughts or energy, or in the right situations make others
aware of their need, it can make an immeasurable difference. There were
some points things like that were all that kept me going. Then I think
of other people out there, who have it worse off than we do, and I am
thankful for the little we do have.
I try so hard to focus on all the good, to write about the good and
share the good despite the sometimes overwhelming bad I am dealing with.
A lot of things I *don't* talk about or bring up, because I don't want
to bother anyone with it, and a lot of it isn't of much importance in
the long run.
As much as I wish it were always nothing but sunshine and rainbows,
it's not. I try to approach it all realistically, and write about all my
life experiences, because that's what the whole point of it is to me.
Keeping track of things happening over time, so I can look back on it
and remember the good times, learn from the bad times, and realize how
much I have managed to endure over the years, in hopes it might give me
strength to keep going.
I have picked myself up so many times, I am losing that strength and
will. All I am thinking is "Why do I bother anymore?" I'm so sick and
tired of everything. I don't have it in me to stand against that
overwhelming darkness and uncertainty again.
No comments:
Post a Comment