Spring happy

Spring thunderstorms are love. Cool crisp breeze, rain, and the scent of sweet olive, wisteria, and citrus blossoms in the air.  ::Happy sigh::

He never appreciated kids joking about his glasses

Here, have some nightmare fuel. Black Spiral Dancer ( think evil sadistic werewolf ) character concept I have had sitting around. I blame a friend who supplied the original normal image for a totally unrelated purpose, and Photoshop for helping me share my twisted creations.

Attic Cleaning Turns Flashback Friday

I moved some stuff into the attic and organized stuff that was already up there to make room. Sore and exhausted, but it was worth it. I found some boxes containing stuff from school days that mom had apparently brought over here without me knowing and put in my aunt's attic. I decided to take a look to see what was there. Some of it old art and stuff which made me go "awwww".

In one box I found an amazing surprise. . . all of the composition notebooks that I used in junior high to write bizarre fan fiction crossover stories in!  They weren't all lost in Hurricane Katrina like I always thought!!  I took a few minutes to look through them, and ooohhh the memories!  Even markers where friends had been reading as I wrote each chapter.  The writing was horrible compared to what I can do today, but wow. Now to decide if I really want to transfer it all to electronic form as I had always planned to do, give it a serious facelift, and publish it somewhere.

Ember returns

In happier news, yesterday I went and picked up Ember from her week's vacation in the country. She was so happy to see me and Journey. Ember enjoyed herself and mom and grandma enjoyed having her around. Raven was happy to have her dog back. Ember and Journey have since been wrestling and romping about. He's almost as big as she is now, but she still manages to put him in his place with a bodyslam, and then proceeds to sit on him.

LA Medicaid / LaCHIP Aggravations

I am ready to kill someone. I have been fighting with this Medicaid determination nonsense and jumping through their hoops and sending them everything they have asked for, for months. I applied back in November.  I had to call repeatedly and ask them for updates on the status because they never sent me additional information in the mail or called me. They kept telling me "It was under process and review in Baton Rouge". This run around happened for almost 2 months, with me leaving messages and not having my calls returned. Then I *finally* managed to catch the woman supposedly helping handle my case on the phone, and she tells me the same thing again.. and at that point I blew up, telling her the "coverage" they stuck me with "in the meantime" does NOT have prescription coverage for medications I need to function like a normal person. And there was a pause on her side, and then she says "Well we're still waiting to receive your medical records from Mayo Clinic. We sent 3 requests."

Excuse me?!  So you have been waiting for records over a month, never got anything from them, and *never* bother to contact me about it?  I was livid, and I expressed such.

Thus I had to go and call Mayo myself, and get bounced around between their departments, but not a single one that was relevant for medical records requests typical of the kind Medicaid offices send, had any requests of that nature on file.

In other words, they had never been contacted by Louisiana Medicaid asking for my records. So either they never did it, or they sent the request to the wrong place somehow, repeatedly.

So I kindly requested the correct info direct from Mayo, and then called the woman back and gave it to her so she could request it again.  So once again I give it a week, because it was the weekend by then. Nothing heard back, I call and leave a message, no response. I wait, and I call and leave another message clearly asking if they had gotten my medical records from Mayo, and requesting a callback and offering my number.

I finally got an issue with my Mayo online patient portal cleared up, and I can access certain condensed versions of my medical files. So I call the woman back again, and get her voicemail again. I leave another message asking again to be contacted so I know they got my Mayo files, and I asked if they had not, could I try and get some of the relevant files from my patient portal and send those instead as proof of my medical conditions.

They still haven't called me back as of Friday. Then Saturday I get another letter in the mail dated for the 19th stating they needed me to resend my bank statement info because what I sent before wasn't adequate enough ( it's an online only e-check account, so yeah ).  No mention of *anything* else, not telling me they got my message or medical info, just requesting I resend the bank statements.

Now today I get something dated the 20th, literally the day after they mailed the other thing, telling me they have determination I am not eligible. *Before* I have even sent them the remaining info they requested.

My blood is boiling over the aggravation and stress this has put me through, on top of the burden of trying to come up with $500 per month *before* the Cymbalta generic came out, and now still having to pay $300 a month for the generic of Cymbalta. I had to cut my dose in half so I could safely taper off of it, because my family can't keep struggling to scrape out that much money that none of them have for something that used to be almost fully covered by my damned Minnesota state aid healthcare.

It is clearly obvious these people are either complete idiots and the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, they are intentionally doing this to screw me ( and who knows how many other people ) over, or all of the above.

Tooth pain

So much for being productive tonight. Having issues with some teeth ( old fillings came out, etc ) and no coverage, no money, so keep having to put off getting them fixed. The pain has been... eh... there, but somewhat tolerable for months.  Until tonight. One spot must be exposed, because I got nerve pain jolting and since I reduced my Cymbalta oh gods does it hurt. Drowning myself with Anbesol and Orajel and hoping maybe the weather we're expecting is to blame and it lets up because I can't afford to get it fixed.  Sucks, but is what it is.

Puppy Progress - 15 weeks old

Sooooo extremely proud of Journey!  Since he's been doing so well in pet stores, I decided to step things up a notch. Had to run a few errands yesterday, and took him along to see how he did. Figured if it was too much, I could take him home and come back later.

He's finally big enough to fit into Ember's old makeshift training harness backpack. He recognizes that keys and my parking tag mean I am going somewhere, and after watching Ember wear her work harness, and getting to go places in his normal harness, he was thrilled when I put this new contraption on him. After a few adjustments and a moment for him to get used to having it on, off we went.

First stop was Home Depot. I figured there would be enough people, weird sights, smells, and noises, to see how he would react to larger crowds and a larger store vastly different from a pet store. He's been doing well with walking next to shopping carts, and this time I started teaching him how to navigate areas with less space, and to be mindful that the backpack harness stuck out an extra inch or so. He bumped into things a few times before he figured out how far he had to be away from objects. He got a bit excited when someone approaching from ahead of us made eye contact and grinned at him and started doing the typical "baby talk voice".  I refocused Journey's attention and he went back to all business work mode prancing happily at my side gazing up at me for approval. The cashiers commented on how good he was and thought it was neat to see him training.

Next stop, Walmart. I wasn't sure how well things would go, because that time of afternoon things were getting busy. I figured if he seemed stressed at any point over all the people and new environment, we'd turn around and leave. He strode in and wandered around with such confidence, you'd never know it was his first time in a store like that.

Puppies are magnets for more attention than normal. Ember and I have had plenty of people make nice comments when we were out, even back when first training. However, the sheer number of people just in this one trip alone, was surprising. The typical "Aaaawwwww! He's adorable!", and so many compliments on how well he was behaving and how well he listened for such a young pup. Several people thought he was a lot older and were surprised when I told them he just made 15 weeks. Everyone was very polite and none of them tried to talk to him directly or distract him, so the big "DO NOT DISTRACT" sign on his vest paid off!

As we shopped, I would glance up and noticed we had attracted a small following of curious people watching as I gave verbal ques and hand signals in different situations to keep Journey focused and in a working mindset. He was so intently focused on me giving eye contact almost the entire time, I only had to redirect him a handful of times. One couple struck up a conversation after watching and said they were impressed with how well Journey listened and were curious what he was being trained for, so I explained. They commented they had a Shepherd/Rottie mix a little older than Journey and wished they could train her to listen as well as he did. I gave them my card and told them I'd be happy to help if they needed a trainer, and they seemed interested, commenting both their dogs could benefit from it. Hey, the more the merrier!

As we were going to check out, we had a huuuge distraction as a kid ran out in front of us unexpectedly ( he didn't even see us, coming from a blind isle ). Journey perked excitedly and thought about trying to bound after the kid ( he wouldn't have gotten far since he was on leash), but a quick call to him and a "leave it" and he focused on me again instead and got a jackpot of treats for it!  The other big distraction came as we were standing in line and a guy was walking by making eye contact with Journey, saying what a beautiful dog he was as he was stepping closer, and asked if he could pet him as he was reaching his hand out in a petting motion. Journey watched but didn't get up from his "down" position, yay!  I explained Journey was working so he couldn't at the moment and thanked the guy for asking before trying to.

We waited in line for a small eternity, with a screaming kid and a baby ahead of us, so that was good distraction for Journey. He glanced their way the first few times, then just started ignoring it. He waited patiently with only a few grumbles, which are more him just "talking" than anything. I got a few videos that I'll add to the list of those to process and share.

Overall I'm thrilled with how well our first "extended shopping" adventure went!

Good news

Mike got a part time job doing tech support work!

Some Autism Awareness

I know families and friends effected by some form of autism, and I have been trying to do some research into high functioning variations of it because some stuff I went through as a child ( speech therapy and some other things ), tendencies to understand and relate better to animals than people,  as well as my Dyscalculia and certain links I have read by chance, have me very curious. Temple Grandin is one of the most inspiring examples of how successful autistic individuals can be.


http://www.faithit.com/autistic-for-2-minutes-couldnt-believe-how-it-felt-groundbreaking

Journey visits an IHOP

Journey made 14 weeks old this past Wednesday. He's growing like a weed, weighing in at 35lbs Wednesday when we went to the vet. He and Ember both got clean bills of health and he got his next round of vaccinations.  He is almost as big as Ember is now, as she averages around 46lbs, and nearly as tall.

Ember has the week off in the country. We drove up to the farm today to drop her off for a stay with my mom and grandma. She needs some downtime. With the next step in Journey's training about to begin, needing to work with him learning how to walk beside me for balance and bracing work, and wanting his full undivided attention during this process, it all works out. I have a cane and a grabber if I end up with a bad flare or anything, and Ember can always come home early if I need her to.

Today was Journey's first trip to a restaurant. So far we have only gone to pet friendly locations or outdoor excursions in parks, parking lots and such for social interactions, exposure to stimuli, and teaching him the foundation of public access skills. He did amazing!

We stopped at the IHOP in Picayune ( grandma's treat ) so I could eat and take meds before driving back to New Orleans. The staff was phenomenal. I have to say probably the best experience / reaction to a working dog being present in all our experiences here in the South.

We were greeted and the woman asked "Table for one...?" and trailed off and glanced down "...or two rather?" and grinned. One of the waitresses that was up front and the staff behind the counter area were gushing over the cuteness, but they all kept it very quiet and didn't do anything to distract Journey like some people have done with him and Ember both.

We did get plenty of stares and random comments from other customers who had probably watched us walk from the parking lot or seen us walk in the door and heard Journey's tags jingle. He walked nicely going to sit and went under the table and settled with only a little grumbling and only got up the first time the waitress came over to take the order, just to sniff at her when her legs appeared at the table. He did real well ignoring distractions and sounds, people staring and walking by the times we were walking to and from the booth. There was a baby and small children somewhere who cried and made some noise and he ignored that too. After brief puppy grumbles from being asked to lay under the table and be still, he sprawled out and slept the whole time after. I got some video with my phone, I'll try and process and post that later, along with a ton of others I have collected over the past several weeks.

I made sure to compliment the manager and staff on their reaction to his presence and thanked them for a positive experience. They were all real nice. We stopped for gas at the Exxon station right next door ( thanks again grandma! ) and first I took him to do his business and then went in to prepay. The gentleman behind the counter smiled and asked if Journey was going to be a guide dog, and I told him he was close, that Journey was a mobility assist dog in training. He thought it was very awesome, and he and a customer who had walked in gave Journey compliments on what a beautiful dog he already was, and laughed when they saw his paws and imagined how big he'd get. They wished us good luck with our training and his future as an assistance dog, and off we went.

Mardi Gras ( Paws )

For friends who need a smile tonight.


Ember wants to know if the beads look good on her.

Wasabi is pleased with his stash of beads.

Journey takes good selfies. He is such a dork.

Missing Memories

Hello interwebz. I have returned. I'll be catching up on emails, messages, and things I missed. Please point me toward anything you wanted me to see.

Stress triggered Fibro flares and series of migraines ran me over and I withdrew to trudge through the negative that came with it. Battling inner demons and the voices in my head. Arguing with my wrist, convincing it to behave so I can get things done.

Mourning losses with friends, thoughts and prayers with them this whole time.

Spent a great deal of time drifting and reflecting. Thinking over different things and memories after talking with people over the past few months.  Realizing that there is a vast gap at different points where my memory was... blank. Triggered memories that were...missing? Hidden, blocked somehow.  A shroud covering the events. A deep numbness, lack of emotion woven into this shroud. It's hard to describe, but as if my mind was detached from memories. Earlier memories I can call up extremely fine details about the situation, objects and people involved, fine little details many probably overlook. Some of the shrouded things are during periods things were not bad, at least it didn't feel that way.  Others, were during traumatic or extremely negative times, so in reflecting I can understand why those would be locked away.

I just never realized until now how much is missing. Wondering what has caused it. I'm not sure how to feel about it. Recording it here as a marker to remember. Trying to come to terms with it and a lot of other things.

Breaking the calcifying bindings external forces have tried to impose upon me.

How has everyone been?  Wishing you all well.