Dogs Training And Doctor Stuff

In preparation for our upcoming trip, I started taking the dogs over to the airport to sit and watch and listen to aircraft taking off, so they could get used to all the other sights and smells associated with the airport. Neither one of them were phased by it, even with the giant roaring jets passing by overhead both in the car and out walking around. Next step is to go into the airport to get them used to walking around in potentially more crowded areas. Ember has been in huge crowds before so I figure she'll do fine, and Journey has done fine in crowded stores so he should be okay too. Will see if security will let us  "pretend" to stand in line and maybe even go through the machine just so they're used to it, because I am sure their collars will set off the metal detector and would rather have them used to it instead of freaking them out more on travel day.



Thursday evening I went out to run a few errands and took Journey along for some public access practice. Wandered around the store and said hello to some people we know. Got lizard food and watched some fish get bagged. Journey stared in wonder at both bags of little moving creatures. He's fascinated by them.

While wandering down one isle, he got silly and knocked a bag treats onto the ground. I sighed all exaggeratedly and playful and said "Look what you did, making messes" and he glanced down at it with this "whoops" expression.

I pointed at it and said "I can't reach it, you better get that" figuring I'd have to awkwardly bend to get it. To my surprise he lowered his head and picked it up and held it till I took it. "OMG YOU DID IT GOOOOD BOOOY!!!" I exploded in happy praise and he exploded right along with me.

A few minutes later we were on another isle talking to one of the workers as we looked for something, and his tail knocked some sort of flat-rubber-grooming-mat onto the floor. I said to the woman "I'm not sure if he can pick that up, but we'll try".  So I asked him to get it for me, and he did!!!! I erupted in praise again and he was so happy and proud of himself and the woman was all grins and thought it was the neatest thing.

Seriously, this is huge. He is starting to pick up even objects that have nothing to do with food and toys, in public!! And a FLAT thing even!  Flat stuff is hard! The worker made the comment how cool it was he figured out to slide it up against his paw to pick it up, which is exactly what he did!

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Went to the uber eye doctor Friday. It is confirmed that I have extremely dry eyes. She saw it in her scope thing and did a tear production test which also showed it. She asks me if I ever had autoimmune bloodwork done and I just laughed.

I explained the seroneg theory and she immediately said "Oh well then they should do a lip biopsy."  Upon which I explained to her I had requested to have one done from the beginning, but everyone is focused on insisting I should have bloodwork despite me mentioning it will come back normal/negative if I am seroneg.

She is going to write to my rheumatologist and my GP with the findings and recommendation. Fingers crossed.

Passed Out On Doctor, Random Medical Stuff

One way to prove to your new doctor that you have a quirky neurological system is to randomly demonstrate during your appointments!

Went to see my rheumatologist yesterday for a follow up to discuss dermatology findings, get scripts for lab work, discuss other stuff. I have been in pain and fatigue cycle central with a flair, so it was good timing.

My wrist has been acting up and was throbbing really bad the past few days on and off. Worried it would relapse to unusable, I mentioned it and he offered to give a corticosteroid shot. I'm so used to needles and pain by now I figure, sure why not. Injections go off without a hitch and isn't nearly as painful as it was when the jackass guy did it, but that could be because it also wasn't inflamed as badly. I feel it despite use of numbing agents, same case with dental work.

Ember, who had been laying on the ground next to me quiet the whole time, suddenly sits up and nudges me. I figure it's because she sensed I was already in pain and I twitched and grumbled from the pain of the injections. I thank her and tell her to lay back down. I was joking with the doctor how it hadn't felt near as bad as last time I had one, and started discussing something else totally different with paperwork when the attack hit.

I felt it coming. Starts off as a weird twinge, uneasy feeling, almost feels like I'm not in my own body. Intense dizzy disorientation, vertigo, nausea. Vision and hearing go "blurry". You feel like you weigh a million tons and can hardly move. I vaguely remember Ember was repeatedly nudging nudging nudging, cognition slow to realize she was alerting. I think I must have managed to blurt out that I was passing out.

I think he asked if I wanted to lay down, but was too far gone. Tried to fight it off, but hardly ever can when it's that intense. Felt overheated and pouring sweat but cold and clammy at same time as tunnel vision went to full black out nothingness. Everything is a blur after that.

It happens so fast. It can be startling because you lose all sense of awareness. Even when you are used to it happening, it takes you longer to register what actually *is* happening because your brain is going in slow motion and you can't think straight. By then all you can think is "great, here we go again!"

My own personal roller coaster of bodily separation as my brain decided TOO MUCH PAIN,  YOU REST NOW!

Upon regaining consciousness everything is still a blur. Sight and hearing are slow to return. Your mind goes "WTF just happened", head spinning disorientation overwhelming all your senses, still not able to think clearly. Slowly awareness returns, blurs of motion and sound if people are moving around you or talking to you. It's all still distorted and I can never tell how long it takes to come back to reality.

As I floated in total dazed stupor I remember hearing something like "take this" and "Hold it .......face"

BAM-OMG-WTF?! jolt of offense to my senses, I think I gagged.

First blur I recognized was my worried velcro Ember staring up at me with her head planted on my leg, wiggling, nudging and licking at my hand. I managed to grasp her. Then realized white lab coat was there and felt something handed to me.

"Put this by your nose."  I managed to, once again the shock of that horrible scent zapping my senses and I managed to focus on it as I recoiled and realized what it was.

The doctor actually used smelling salts to bring me back around. That stuff smells nasty!  I tend to be far more sensitive to environmental stimulus than most people, so it was especially effective.

Even with that to bring me around, it took several more minutes for me to be able to clearly see and hear and for the body weakness and disorientation to subside enough for me to be more coherent. At that point not much else could be done since I was rather out of it. The doctor checked on me several times as he wrote the scripts and such. Nurses checked on me and brought me some water. Jokes were cracked. Ember was praised for doing her job so well.

He ordered the correct bloodwork based on suspected conditions, not just the damned ANA by itself again. He also wrote out papers for a permanent parking hang tag so I don't have to keep paying to renew every 6-12 months!!  After 4yrs of using them he couldn't understand why no one had done so sooner, because this stuff wasn't something that just magically went away or got better.

Good thing the appointment was almost over anyway at least, because it really does throw the brain and thought process off and makes fatigued feeling worse afterwards. They had me wait in the room till I was feeling well enough to stand without risking passing out again.

Joked on the way out that I might have to invest in some of those smelling salts. The more I thought about it as my brain returned to me, the more I think it might actually be a good idea to keep some handy.

They could help others bring me to, or more importantly help me recover faster if I am alone and only have Ember with me. Now I just need to devise safe ways to carry them where they wouldn't accidentally be activated by Ember or jostling inside my purse or the dogs' gear bags. Maybe a heavy duty pill holder or something similar.

= = =

Today I saw my new general practitioner. She and the office staff were absolutely awesome. All of them are dog lovers, so as soon as they saw Ember they melted. Ember could tell, so she hammed it up real good. I let them say hello to her, her special treat for doing so good yesterday when I blacked out and being such a trooper through the flurry of medical stuff recently.

My new GP is almost like a female version of the Mayo doctor I really liked, which makes me ecstatic. She's younger like he was, and still open minded about possibilities and willing to listen to everything as a whole. She even guessed at a possible cause I had wondered about but not said anything to anyone because I'm really not sure if it is what I thought it might be.... but having her bring it up as I described things... yeah, sort of hit home.


It's stuff I have been asking about for years and just had doctors wanting to "wait and see". Well, you can only wait and see so long before stuff that could have been resolved early gets worse and causes damage.  Waiting on the results of the more specific bloodwork and then going from there. It's just a little relief to have two doctors thinking along the same lines I have wondered about for a while.


When I went for the lab draw, the woman was real nice and had a sense of humor. I warned her I may or may not pass out just to be on the safe side. I think at first she was concerned. I told her it wasn't the needles or blood or anything. I'm not afraid of any of it and don't get anxious like many people must. I've been stuck so many times and had so many unpleasant medical procedures, it doesn't phase me. I think when I started watching the draw on the second vial she realized it really wasn't a trigger. I joked with her that my inner geek found it absolutely fascinating.  She had me wait after the draw just to make sure I didn't have an attack after. We joked about different medical things and I think it pleased her inner geek just as much to have a patient who could relate to her work on that level.

So overall, fairly productive and only marginally expensive medical week.

There's Nothing Selfish About Suicide

This is good to read. When you are in the deepest and darkest depths of depression, you genuinely feel like you are being selfish by staying *alive*, and that you would relieve a burden on your loved ones if you were gone. Having experienced it myself and been on the edge of very bad places, I think things have long gone unspoken and too many blind eyes have been turned to conditions of this nature in general. More empathy and compassion is needed in the world.



Original post from:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html

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I am a survivor of suicide.

I don't talk about it a lot these days, as I've reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. Healing was a long and grief-stricken process. There were times when I felt very alone in my grief and there were times when I felt lost and confused. The trouble with suicide is that no one knows what to say. No one knows how to react. So they smile and wave and attempt distraction... but they never ever say the word. The survivors, it seems, are often left to survive on their own.

I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months and even years following the loss of my father. The "what ifs" kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. What if I had answered the phone that night? Would the sound of my voice have changed his mind? Would he have done it at a later date, anyway? Survivor's guilt, indeed.

Sometimes, I cried. Sometimes, I sat perfectly still watching the waves crash down on Main Beach, hoping for a sign of some kind that he had reached a better place. Sometimes, I silently scolded myself for not seeing the warning signs. Sometimes, I bargained with God or anyone else who might be in charge up there. Bring him back to us. Please, just bring him back. Sometimes I felt angry. Why us? Why me? Why him?

Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace with the loss. But one thought that never ever (not even for one second) crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn't one of them.

Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression.

People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It's selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.

Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others.

As the world mourns the loss of Robin Williams, people everywhere are left feeling helpless and confused. How could someone who appeared so happy in actuality be so very depressed? The truth is that many, many people face the very same struggle each and every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. And some will hang on for dear life. Most won't be able to ask for the help that they need to overcome their mental illness.

You can help.

Know the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone and be human.

Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practice using the words "suicide" and "depression" so that they roll off the tongue as easily as "unicorns" and "bubble gum." Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind with their hearts. And hug them every single time.

Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don't be afraid to check in over and over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor's guilt.

30,000 people commit suicide in the United States each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It's time to raise awareness, increase empathy and kindness, and bring those numbers down.
It's time to talk about suicide and depression.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

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Topical medications are ewwwww

First night using the psoriasis medications.  Had to wait for family to help with $400 to get them, and needed to wait till my aunt was home in the unlikely event I had a reaction to them. I haaaate the sensation of having medicinal stuff ( lotion, sunscreen, pain relief creams, ointments, etc ) smeared on me. I got used to using certain lotions because they helped with dryness somewhat, and topical pain relief stuff for obvious reasons. These are thicker and while probably fairly odorless to most people, they have that funky medical cream smell to me. They take a few minutes to absorb into the skin, and adding one after the other is all eeewwww. I stood in front of the fan just to make it absorb faster. I don't think me overheating and sweating helped any either. But, it's done. And gross. I did an "omg icky sensation" dance and the animals just watched and laughed at me. I'll have to get used to it for now. Did I mention eeewwww?

Mall Dog

Took Journey to Lakeside Mall today for some public access training. He did amazingly well as always.

We practiced in the elevator and on the stairs for as long as my body would allow. Then he helped me hobble to get a bite to eat and sit for a bit to rest and take meds. While getting condiments, I dropped a straw. One of the workers saw and told me not to worry, she'd get it after. I asked Journey to get it. He sniffed and mouthed at it which I marked and encouraged, he pawed at it, and he flopped beside it and mouthed it more and almost picked it up, but decided it wasn't as exciting as a toy and flopped beside it and put he paw atop it. Some girls were sitting nearby watching and cheering him on for the effort. Better luck next time.

Found a place to sit and eat where he fit without being in the way. Lots of people kept walking by commenting when they saw him. Heard a lot of "wow what a big dog" and "man look at the size of him!" which made me giggle.

One nice gentleman and his son stopped to chat. He was interested about service dogs because he's dealing with spinal damage from when he was injured in a motorcycle accident. I could tell just by how he moved he had a hard time and it hurt him, and he like me just keeps pushing through the day as best he can. I empathize.

Another couple stopped with their son who they explained had brain conditions that caused seizures, some form of epilepsy I believe. He had been curious about seeing Journey and wanted to pet him, which I was okay with because I know how much it helps kids like him. Bright and happy kid who loved to talk. Trying to pay attention to him and the parents at the same time was challenging!

I told both families like I tell others I have met, I'm happy to help however I can. I gave both families a card and contact info. I've shared numerous resources with people I have met since I first started working with Ember years ago, and hope I can continue to do so for years to come with her and Journey to help spread awareness. I know how much it can help to simply be pointed in the right direction, and have someone you can talk to who can relate on that same level.


Journey got really pushy and nudging after they left. I was feeling a little wonky and hadn't taken my meds yet because I stopped in the middle of eating to talk with the people.  I think he might be starting to tell me that he senses something isn't quite right. At first I thought he needed to do his business, but when I took him out to a spot he circled, then sat and looked at me to indicate he didn't have to. I took him out twice just to make sure and he didn't have to go.

After I took my meds and they kicked in he wasn't as buggy and pushy and just acted silly a few times to make me laugh instead. Hoping over time I can shape both behaviors differently like I did with Ember. I don't think he's experienced enough yet to give a reliable alert like Ember does, but I think he is learning from watching how she responds to me and by being around me when the changes happen, whatever it is that the dogs sense.

We'll probably be spending quite a bit more time there as we get ready for our upcoming trip.

Robin Williams

Thank you for all the fond memories, the smiles and laughter, the joy you shared with the world. You are a special, bright soul,an inspiration loved by so many. You will be deeply missed and forever live on in the hearts of many. I pray you find peace. Prayers and thoughts with your friends and family.

Visiting Mike In September

As many people know, Mike has been staying at his mother's in NJ, working a part time tech job. I have been here in New Orleans. We haven't seen each other since we left Minnesota almost a year ago now. The good news is nearly the full year to the day, I will be flying into NY to see him finally. Come Sept 19th I'll be in NJ and staying for two weeks. It's not a long time, but it's better than not being able to see him at all. We've missed each other terribly. So excited and looking forward to seeing him.

Psoriasis, Socializing

Saw a dermatologist today. It was confirmed, I do have psoriasis. Being an autoimmune skin disease, there is a good chance other stuff might be going on, even if it's not showing in the bloodwork. He wrote several prescriptions for different prescription creams and one for an oral antibiotic to try, but I have to wait because together the damned things cost $400.

Met some really nice people while grocery shopping and waiting for prescriptions. They were interested to know about Ember and service dogs because both the mother and the daughter have medical issues involving mobility problems, and the daughter is in a manual wheelchair and could use help to regain independence. They also shared interests in stones and jewelry, and the son shares similar spiritual views, so we stood around talking forever and shopped together while chatting, until her blood sugar got wonky and Ember started alerting to both of us feeling ill ( was time for my meds and I had some dizzy spells ), which they thought was amazingly awesome.

Also had a kindergarten teacher and her son stop us and politely ask if I wouldn't mind explaining what a service dog was and how different kinds helped people, so I gladly did. She thanked me and said she would share the information with her classes to help the children understand working dogs have important jobs. :)  I gave her a card with some info to check out.

Overall a decent day. Progress one step at a time.

Orange Objects

I think Journey has this thing against orange objects. First it was the neighbor's orange-reddish garden hose. Then the traffic cone. Today it was Homer buckets at Home Depot.

Journey got "get it" !

Aaiiiieeee tooo excited and beaming not to post this update now. I can cheat a little, because Journey made 8 months old today. We have been working on the basic behavior shaping for him to retrieve objects for me, but he proved he is further along than I thought.

Journey picked up his first item out in public today and handed it back to me when I asked!!

Granted, it was a dog toy, but it's the first time he's done it while we have been out shopping and not home. It wasn't one he was playing with either, it was one I accidentally knocked off the rack!!

It fell and I muttered figuring I'd have to somehow raise it where I could reach the tag, but I decided to ask him first. In the past he has picked stuff up but then tosses, drops, or nudges it and flumps on the ground, causing me or Ember to have to get it anyway.

Today he sprawled next to it and nudged it and I was about to resort to collect it myself, but something told me to try one more time. So I asked again. He grabbed it, stood up, and held it till I took it and told him to give it to me, tail wagging the whole time!

He got a huge jackpot and some weird stares from shoppers trying to figure out why I raised such a commotion.

We also met some nice people today and spoke with them about service dogs.


Here is a picture of Ember and Journey. Journey has a tongue to rival that of Gene Simmons from KISS.

Puppy Progress - 6 Months and 7 Months

Things have been crazy busy with one thing after another going on here the past two months, so I haven't had a lot of time to sit and write much of anything in detail. Just to make notes here or there of things I wanted to write about.

Training is going real well. This post will include a recap on how Journey did during 6 months of age and during 7 months of age.





6 Months

Journey is too smart for his own good, and he's in the age range of testing boundaries. I imagine it is something like what the "terrible twos and threes" must be like for toddlers combined with independence of teenagers, where in both cases a sort of "selective hearing" develops.

When responding to commands he knows ( sit, down, etc. ) there is a brief delay. It's probably less than 10sec worth, like his brain skipped a beat on processing as he's deciding if he wants to do it or not. It's amusing to me because I have seen it in client's dogs, but with Ember she is so biddable and eager to please, plus she oftentimes tries to anticipate what I want next, she's already doing something before I have the word fully out of mouth, or with my hand signals.

Journey is an intelligent little Alsatian, so I have to mix up training to keep it interesting for him so he doesn't get bored with it. He's highly food motivated, but not as strongly toy motivated at the moment. That could be because I don't tend to keep a lot of toys with squeakers because Ember used to destroy them too fast and the squeaking can drive you nuts. When Journey joined the family, I did purchase various toys that have squeakers to help with training.

At first I wanted to use them for proofing distractions, figuring he'd be enticed by the squeaking. My worry was while working with him in public until he is more solid on everything, I didn't want people thinking it was "funny" to try and purposefully distract him with squeak toys or things making similar noise...... which yes, I have had happen with Ember when she was in working service dog gear, both at pet stores, and at Walmart. People are thoughtless sometimes.

Much to my delight, he isn't too interested simply by hearing the sound, though he will acknowledge it. He isn't overly eager to interact with it unless you get right up to him with it and encourage him to play. We'll see how well that continues as I use various toys with squeakers while trying to encourage certain prey drive qualities.

Another amusement is his lack of traction on most slick surfaces. We have all tile at my aunt's house with only a handful of rugs. Since Journey first started to grow larger, its a challenge for him to keep his legs under him. It turned into a joke with training because getting him into the "down" position was the easiest thing ever, and he tends to prefer it. Which made it easier with some training because he was less likely to break position from a down than he would have from a sit.

He's been so lanky and growing so fast, I think that is partly why his traction is off. So we practice sitting a lot more than he probably likes, trying to get him to that point of not slipping on smooth floors, since most stores have... smooth floors!  It's a work in progress.

We have been working with shaping behaviors he'll use for service work since we first started training with the basics. Learning the foundations for fetching objects, holding them, giving them when asked, or taking them from me when I offer, to help build when we move on to objects that are not dog toys or chew things. He's already gotten used to lots of different textures from the beginning, so I don't think it will be too difficult. With his puppy teeth gone I just need to teach him to handle these things with a soft mouth. We have also been working on balance and bracing positions, teaching him how to stand and hold a certain position when I ask and point or make a hand signal.

The final highlight is that he finally lifted his leg!  At the end of 5 months he had started to develop his marking bladder and his testicles were dropping, and soon after when he went to do his business instead of the typical full squat, one leg lifted a few inches. He doesn't do it all the time, but he's started doing it more and more frequently.

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7 Months

So many exciting things happened. The first time Journey took the intermittent class in it was a really small class, and both the dogs were small dogs and were over a year old, so he didn't get as much in the sense of socialization as I was hoping for. They let us retake the class, and we did so with a different trainer. By waiting a little longer we got lucky with a much larger class full of various sized dogs with various temperaments, including one that ended up being fear-reactive. It made things very interesting! And it was an amazing learning experience for Journey.

In the previous class the weeks prior, he'd been more inclined to be a puppy and would get excited and playful on leash, and if a strange dog barked and pulled toward him, he'd attempt to do the same, which is normal. Thankfully I could get him to refocus on me and with a lot of "leave it" work, he grew out of that phase.

We got more practice in with the new class, him learning to ignore the distractions of the other dogs pulling at leash, sniffing at him while I asked him to focus on me and ignore them, and ignoring the barking of one and some reactive outbursts from the other. I was so proud of how well he took to it. After the initial group meetup for the first class being so exciting with strange new people and dogs, by the end of the second class he was doing remarkably well with keeping his attention on me when I asked him to ignore whatever was happening at any given time with the other dogs.

The class trainer tried to demo with him because he was more advanced than the other dogs in class, since he had already taken it, and for the fact I have been training with him since he was a tiny pup, and he wanted to keep his focus on me and at first tried to ignore her. Which is brilliant, because I don't want him to listen to just anyone trying to come up and give him a command unless I give him permission or turn him over to someone else to handle.

My reason for this goes back to the whole problem I have had at points while out working with Ember and Journey both for public access stuff, and people trying to distract them by calling to them, making barking noises at them, and even trying to tell them to "come here" or "sit" and other stuff. Most of the time it is kids or teens who have done it, but I have caught adults in the act as well. What makes it worse is when they try, and the dog ignores them... so they try harder!  Really people?

I normally turn and address them and give them a polite but stern talking to about why they shouldn't do that ever again if a dog is working. They could risk getting the dog or handler injured by distracting them, and be liable for it.  When they are old enough to know better, most of them are embarrassed and apologize. I'd rather educate them than yell at them, but some people really try ever last ounce of patience I have on a given day.

We practiced more with distance and duration. He's pretty solid with it at home, and is getting better about it in public. We have been working on heel work from the base form you learn when you first take the class. He still gets ahead of himself at points but does well on loose leash for the most part without pulling. It's like with most dogs, they move faster than we do and he gets impatient and walks a little faster. So I simply stop or turn about and reposition him before continuing. I am hoping to start building on skills for much more advanced heeling techniques.