Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Froggy
Awwrrmmaaahhgaaawds. I
just saw the most adorable little spring peeper out on the porch when I
went to take Journ out. It's raining, and it crawled up from under the
deck between the boards in a wet spot and was hopping along, got a
drink and looked like it was playing with raindrops, then hopped to the
edge and went back under. Loooove frogs.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
10 Years After Hurricane Katrina
10 years ago my life changed forever when
Hurricane Katrina made landfall along the Gulf Coast of Louisiana and
Mississippi. I lost my lifelong home and everything in it, as did many
others in the effected regions.
"Get over it" some people say as they sneer at those of us living here because "the region is known for flooding and hurricanes". I want to point out that the areas that were most drastically effected by the hurricane, were areas that actually *NEVER* had problems on the scale we saw in Katrina. Slidell ( where I lived ) was north of the Lake Pontchartrain and in the 22 years I lived there, we never, *ever* flooded or had severe hurricane damage at our house.... until Katrina.
We were far enough (about 6 miles ) inland and above sea level to where it had never been an issue. Same can be said for the hardest hit areas in Mississippi, from Gulfport, to Waveland, on through Biloxi. Unless you lived right on the lakefront or beachfront or in a low area, the worst you had to worry about was wind damage as opposed to severe flooding. Even many places that did get water, it was normally only a few inches to at most 2ft or so depending on where you lived.
To those people who would still sneer, I point toward New York and Hurricane Sandy. They weren't expecting a hurricane to bring severe flooding and damage either, and like many of us across Louisiana and Mississippi, they lived in an area where it wouldn't normally have been a problem. Should they have "gotten over it" because "they chose to live there"? Those same harsh words sound vastly different when applied to a similar situation, don't they? Katrina was a far larger, more powerful, and far more destructive storm. Not just New Orleans suffered, where most damage was done because the levees/seawalls failed, and water rushed in - in most cases hours after the worst of the storm had already passed. Slidell didn't have levees/seawalls or need them, and neither did cities in Mississippi that were destroyed. It was likely tornadoes spawned from the storm, as well as the storm surge itself that at times was pushed 6 to 12 miles inland ( carrying boats and everything else it swept away with it mind you), that caused the most destruction across multiple cities and across multiple states.
It's very difficult to talk about what I went through during that time, and what I witnessed others go through. It's been 10 years since it happened, but it still feels as raw as if it were yesterday.
I've been living out of boxes for the past 10 years because I don't have a home of my own anymore.
I
have been living by the good grace of others a majority of that time.
It leaves one with intense mixed emotions. Full of thanks and gratitude.
Yet never feeling like you really belong. Never feeling settled. You
know it is only temporary. You'll collect all your boxes and go
somewhere else soon enough, so why bother to unpack anything?"Get over it" some people say as they sneer at those of us living here because "the region is known for flooding and hurricanes". I want to point out that the areas that were most drastically effected by the hurricane, were areas that actually *NEVER* had problems on the scale we saw in Katrina. Slidell ( where I lived ) was north of the Lake Pontchartrain and in the 22 years I lived there, we never, *ever* flooded or had severe hurricane damage at our house.... until Katrina.
We were far enough (about 6 miles ) inland and above sea level to where it had never been an issue. Same can be said for the hardest hit areas in Mississippi, from Gulfport, to Waveland, on through Biloxi. Unless you lived right on the lakefront or beachfront or in a low area, the worst you had to worry about was wind damage as opposed to severe flooding. Even many places that did get water, it was normally only a few inches to at most 2ft or so depending on where you lived.
To those people who would still sneer, I point toward New York and Hurricane Sandy. They weren't expecting a hurricane to bring severe flooding and damage either, and like many of us across Louisiana and Mississippi, they lived in an area where it wouldn't normally have been a problem. Should they have "gotten over it" because "they chose to live there"? Those same harsh words sound vastly different when applied to a similar situation, don't they? Katrina was a far larger, more powerful, and far more destructive storm. Not just New Orleans suffered, where most damage was done because the levees/seawalls failed, and water rushed in - in most cases hours after the worst of the storm had already passed. Slidell didn't have levees/seawalls or need them, and neither did cities in Mississippi that were destroyed. It was likely tornadoes spawned from the storm, as well as the storm surge itself that at times was pushed 6 to 12 miles inland ( carrying boats and everything else it swept away with it mind you), that caused the most destruction across multiple cities and across multiple states.
It's very difficult to talk about what I went through during that time, and what I witnessed others go through. It's been 10 years since it happened, but it still feels as raw as if it were yesterday.
I've been living out of boxes for the past 10 years because I don't have a home of my own anymore.
You learn to let go as much as you can and move on.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Tried So Hard, Got So Far
I'm feeling like
an absolute failure with Journey. I have been avoiding talking about
this for months. Not having other advanced dog training savvy people
around to help me train him hasn't helped at all. But the rest is all on
me. I feel like a shitty trainer. Its not fair to him to try and force
him to be something he isn't.
Mike has been doing his best to make me feel better about the whole situation, trying to remind me of the successes I have had over years of training my dogs and others:
"Sometimes it's just the dog. Look how you did with Ember. You can't say that was a shitty job...and all things considered, for as thickheaded as Journey can be, he behaves better than most any other dog.
He just may be the wrong fit for what you need him to do. You know it's just as much the dog's personality as it is the training in those cases. Look at your success-to-failure record....and even in the end, look how well trained he is anyway. He IS trained. He just might not like doing what it is you want him to do."
I guess I keep hoping if I work a little harder or a little longer he'll come around. I've worked with shepherds before. I know they can be willful because they are so smart and need solid handling and guidance. I thought I was doing a good job with it because he was better behaved than any young GSD I ever worked with or saw worked with aside dogs bred for it. These quirks aren't even barring any physical issues ( GI or structural ) he may have that will disqualify him as a mobility assist dog. He hasn't had his OFA evaluation yet. He needed to be 2yrs+ to be sure his growth plates closed first. I guess I breathed a sigh of relief too early thinking I had won the owner-trainer lotto and found the perfect candidate dog on the first shot. But I have to listen to what he's telling me, and it feels more and more like he doesn't want to do the work anymore.
As a trainer, I have always abhorred people who would blame it all on the dog instead of looking at the other end of the leash. In most situations problems with training were because the dog didn't understand what was asked of it, etc. And the person blamed the dog rather than their ability to teach it what they wanted.
I don't know what to do. Maybe he'll make a good sport dog for someone or search and rescue or something, or just an all around amazingly trained companion dog. But that's the other thing killing me right now. I don't know what I am going to do with him. I won't be able to keep him at this point as much as I hate saying that. Most of these organizations don't want you having another dog in the house (I don't think it would be an issue but whatever ). And even if they allowed it, that would mean when we got back on our feet we'd have 3 large dogs. It would be more of a financial strain and likely impossible to find a place to live.
But now try and explain all that to my family. Explain now I need to go apply to these service dog organizations afterall. $40 for an application fee here. $50 for another application fee there. And they may not even accept me.
If they do, it will be over $5,000 for the cost of the dog and travel to their training centers, plus food, hotel, gas, additional team training expenses, etc. Unless I get insanely lucky and they have some sort of financial aid or volunteers that could help cut down on the travel expenses. But that is not guaranteed, and I am treating everything as a worst-case scenario right now, because lets face it, it has become one.
I'd rather train my own dog because I have the ability to do so and was hoping to make a career out of it somehow. But I feel like I am only fooling myself because then it rolls right back around to money. To try and find another dog ( it took me over a year to find Journey ), the starter costs of everything with vet and training for that dog, and the time and energy to raise it back up to the level I have Journey at... only to have it not work out again. And have to start all over, again. It's a risk I literally can't afford to take.
Getting a dog through a program is really my only option to have long term support come time for a successor, especially when I can no longer train my own dog. There is no disposable income available to invest in dog after dog to "find the right one" like programs are able to. That's what makes owner-training so hard for individuals like me.
Look at all the dogs these organizations, and other things like police departments, military, and anything else that works with trained dogs, take in, versus how many of them actually make it through to the end of those training programs.
I try and look at it realistically and not be so hard on myself. But it's something I take some pride in, one of the things I can actually still do and do well and better than most other people. Which is why I feel like a failure with it anyway and keep thinking maybe it's something wrong with the way I am trying to train it... so I change it and try something else. But it just isn't working.
I feel like its more on my ability to teach him or motivate him. I don't want to give up on him. But how long do I keep trying? Especially when I am already fairly certain the outcome will not change no matter what we do. I have already tried for months.
Mike has been doing his best to make me feel better about the whole situation, trying to remind me of the successes I have had over years of training my dogs and others:
"Sometimes it's just the dog. Look how you did with Ember. You can't say that was a shitty job...and all things considered, for as thickheaded as Journey can be, he behaves better than most any other dog.
He just may be the wrong fit for what you need him to do. You know it's just as much the dog's personality as it is the training in those cases. Look at your success-to-failure record....and even in the end, look how well trained he is anyway. He IS trained. He just might not like doing what it is you want him to do."
I guess I keep hoping if I work a little harder or a little longer he'll come around. I've worked with shepherds before. I know they can be willful because they are so smart and need solid handling and guidance. I thought I was doing a good job with it because he was better behaved than any young GSD I ever worked with or saw worked with aside dogs bred for it. These quirks aren't even barring any physical issues ( GI or structural ) he may have that will disqualify him as a mobility assist dog. He hasn't had his OFA evaluation yet. He needed to be 2yrs+ to be sure his growth plates closed first. I guess I breathed a sigh of relief too early thinking I had won the owner-trainer lotto and found the perfect candidate dog on the first shot. But I have to listen to what he's telling me, and it feels more and more like he doesn't want to do the work anymore.
As a trainer, I have always abhorred people who would blame it all on the dog instead of looking at the other end of the leash. In most situations problems with training were because the dog didn't understand what was asked of it, etc. And the person blamed the dog rather than their ability to teach it what they wanted.
I don't know what to do. Maybe he'll make a good sport dog for someone or search and rescue or something, or just an all around amazingly trained companion dog. But that's the other thing killing me right now. I don't know what I am going to do with him. I won't be able to keep him at this point as much as I hate saying that. Most of these organizations don't want you having another dog in the house (I don't think it would be an issue but whatever ). And even if they allowed it, that would mean when we got back on our feet we'd have 3 large dogs. It would be more of a financial strain and likely impossible to find a place to live.
But now try and explain all that to my family. Explain now I need to go apply to these service dog organizations afterall. $40 for an application fee here. $50 for another application fee there. And they may not even accept me.
If they do, it will be over $5,000 for the cost of the dog and travel to their training centers, plus food, hotel, gas, additional team training expenses, etc. Unless I get insanely lucky and they have some sort of financial aid or volunteers that could help cut down on the travel expenses. But that is not guaranteed, and I am treating everything as a worst-case scenario right now, because lets face it, it has become one.
I'd rather train my own dog because I have the ability to do so and was hoping to make a career out of it somehow. But I feel like I am only fooling myself because then it rolls right back around to money. To try and find another dog ( it took me over a year to find Journey ), the starter costs of everything with vet and training for that dog, and the time and energy to raise it back up to the level I have Journey at... only to have it not work out again. And have to start all over, again. It's a risk I literally can't afford to take.
Getting a dog through a program is really my only option to have long term support come time for a successor, especially when I can no longer train my own dog. There is no disposable income available to invest in dog after dog to "find the right one" like programs are able to. That's what makes owner-training so hard for individuals like me.
Look at all the dogs these organizations, and other things like police departments, military, and anything else that works with trained dogs, take in, versus how many of them actually make it through to the end of those training programs.
I try and look at it realistically and not be so hard on myself. But it's something I take some pride in, one of the things I can actually still do and do well and better than most other people. Which is why I feel like a failure with it anyway and keep thinking maybe it's something wrong with the way I am trying to train it... so I change it and try something else. But it just isn't working.
I feel like its more on my ability to teach him or motivate him. I don't want to give up on him. But how long do I keep trying? Especially when I am already fairly certain the outcome will not change no matter what we do. I have already tried for months.
I feel like I have failed my dog. Not every dog is cut out to be an assistance dog, regardless of the best training. That doesn't make it any easier for me to accept.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Computers and smartphone on the fritz
Experiencing some ongoing technical difficulties with my computers and
(notso)smartphone. Will be soooooooo happy when I can finally swap this
thing out and get a new phone. Tired of missing messages, calls, etc
and lag so bad I can't do anything even after factory reset. Worst model
in the series, ever. Anyway, may have sporadic activity over the next
week as I finish the tedious task of backing everything up ( I need
another external HDD but that's another story ). Then test run of Win10
to see if I like it enough to blow out and replace Win7 Pro on my
primary. Hated Win8 with a passion, so laptop is getting Win10 without
question unless I get another OEM of Win7 Pro. Apologies if I miss
anything. Just poke at me and point me toward it, email is probably best
right now just in case.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Girlie ( Ash ) Cat Needs Prayers
Please send your love, positive thoughts, prayers, and healing energy to
one of my sweet cats, and her mom Jen. Girlie ( formerly Ash ) was just
diagnosed with cancer
of the mammary gland (like breast cancer in cats). She will have x-rays
and ultrasound done to see if the cancer has spread. Then we'll know
what sort of surgery options and other treatments like chemo are
available. We'll likely be setting up crowdfunding and accepting
donations to help cover costs of surgery and treatments. I will post an
update when I know more. So much love for our little floof. Bast keep her safe.
Ember - Dog of the Day
Yaaay Ember! She is the Dog of the Day today!
Spreading awareness for assistance dogs and invisible disabilities.
http://dogoftheday.com/archive/2015/August/11.html
Spreading awareness for assistance dogs and invisible disabilities.
http://dogoftheday.com/archive/2015/August/11.html
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Icky Sick
Ended up getting a sinus infection that's turned into an upper
respiratory infection as it creeps down into my chest. Hacking up lungs
is no fun, especially when your coughing/choking fits lead to ribs
trying to migrate to places ribs should not be and my good ol friend
costochondritis stops by for a visit. My everything hurts from all the
coughing and nasal eww. Thanks to a metric ton of chicken soup, OJ, and
cold meds ( with some airborne and Ricola ) and the sacrifice of 4
boxes of tissues over the past few days, I think I caught it early
enough to avoid it being bad enough to go to the doctor for. Will see
how it is come Monday.
I still need to finish and post my
belated AnthroCon report and post about the trip, which was delayed on
account of still being in NJ after con and then coming home to the major
big genetics appointment, and now feeling like death on death. So just a
little note to say I am catching up and posts will be made and answered
sporadically between fits of spontaneous coughing and combustion.
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