I'm feeling like
an absolute failure with Journey. I have been avoiding talking about
this for months. Not having other advanced dog training savvy people
around to help me train him hasn't helped at all. But the rest is all on
me. I feel like a shitty trainer. Its not fair to him to try and force
him to be something he isn't.
Mike has been doing his best to make me feel better about the whole situation, trying to remind me of the successes I have had over years of training my dogs and others:
"Sometimes it's just the dog. Look how you did with Ember. You can't say that was a shitty job...and all things considered, for as thickheaded as Journey can be, he behaves better than most any other dog.
He just may be the wrong fit for what you need him to do. You know it's just as much the dog's personality as it is the training in those cases. Look at your success-to-failure record....and even in the end, look how well trained he is anyway. He IS trained. He just might not like doing what it is you want him to do."
I guess I keep hoping if I work a little harder or a little longer he'll come around. I've worked with shepherds before. I know they can be willful because they are so smart and need solid handling and guidance. I thought I was doing a good job with it because he was better behaved than any young GSD I ever worked with or saw worked with aside dogs bred for it. These quirks aren't even barring any physical issues ( GI or structural ) he may have that will disqualify him as a mobility assist dog. He hasn't had his OFA evaluation yet. He needed to be 2yrs+ to be sure his growth plates closed first. I guess I breathed a sigh of relief too early thinking I had won the owner-trainer lotto and found the perfect candidate dog on the first shot. But I have to listen to what he's telling me, and it feels more and more like he doesn't want to do the work anymore.
As a trainer, I have always abhorred people who would blame it all on the dog instead of looking at the other end of the leash. In most situations problems with training were because the dog didn't understand what was asked of it, etc. And the person blamed the dog rather than their ability to teach it what they wanted.
I don't know what to do. Maybe he'll make a good sport dog for someone or search and rescue or something, or just an all around amazingly trained companion dog. But that's the other thing killing me right now. I don't know what I am going to do with him. I won't be able to keep him at this point as much as I hate saying that. Most of these organizations don't want you having another dog in the house (I don't think it would be an issue but whatever ). And even if they allowed it, that would mean when we got back on our feet we'd have 3 large dogs. It would be more of a financial strain and likely impossible to find a place to live.
But now try and explain all that to my family. Explain now I need to go apply to these service dog organizations afterall. $40 for an application fee here. $50 for another application fee there. And they may not even accept me.
If they do, it will be over $5,000 for the cost of the dog and travel to their training centers, plus food, hotel, gas, additional team training expenses, etc. Unless I get insanely lucky and they have some sort of financial aid or volunteers that could help cut down on the travel expenses. But that is not guaranteed, and I am treating everything as a worst-case scenario right now, because lets face it, it has become one.
I'd rather train my own dog because I have the ability to do so and was hoping to make a career out of it somehow. But I feel like I am only fooling myself because then it rolls right back around to money. To try and find another dog ( it took me over a year to find Journey ), the starter costs of everything with vet and training for that dog, and the time and energy to raise it back up to the level I have Journey at... only to have it not work out again. And have to start all over, again. It's a risk I literally can't afford to take.
Getting a dog through a program is really my only option to have long term support come time for a successor, especially when I can no longer train my own dog. There is no disposable income available to invest in dog after dog to "find the right one" like programs are able to. That's what makes owner-training so hard for individuals like me.
Look at all the dogs these organizations, and other things like police departments, military, and anything else that works with trained dogs, take in, versus how many of them actually make it through to the end of those training programs.
I try and look at it realistically and not be so hard on myself. But it's something I take some pride in, one of the things I can actually still do and do well and better than most other people. Which is why I feel like a failure with it anyway and keep thinking maybe it's something wrong with the way I am trying to train it... so I change it and try something else. But it just isn't working.
I feel like its more on my ability to teach him or motivate him. I don't want to give up on him. But how long do I keep trying? Especially when I am already fairly certain the outcome will not change no matter what we do. I have already tried for months.
Mike has been doing his best to make me feel better about the whole situation, trying to remind me of the successes I have had over years of training my dogs and others:
"Sometimes it's just the dog. Look how you did with Ember. You can't say that was a shitty job...and all things considered, for as thickheaded as Journey can be, he behaves better than most any other dog.
He just may be the wrong fit for what you need him to do. You know it's just as much the dog's personality as it is the training in those cases. Look at your success-to-failure record....and even in the end, look how well trained he is anyway. He IS trained. He just might not like doing what it is you want him to do."
I guess I keep hoping if I work a little harder or a little longer he'll come around. I've worked with shepherds before. I know they can be willful because they are so smart and need solid handling and guidance. I thought I was doing a good job with it because he was better behaved than any young GSD I ever worked with or saw worked with aside dogs bred for it. These quirks aren't even barring any physical issues ( GI or structural ) he may have that will disqualify him as a mobility assist dog. He hasn't had his OFA evaluation yet. He needed to be 2yrs+ to be sure his growth plates closed first. I guess I breathed a sigh of relief too early thinking I had won the owner-trainer lotto and found the perfect candidate dog on the first shot. But I have to listen to what he's telling me, and it feels more and more like he doesn't want to do the work anymore.
As a trainer, I have always abhorred people who would blame it all on the dog instead of looking at the other end of the leash. In most situations problems with training were because the dog didn't understand what was asked of it, etc. And the person blamed the dog rather than their ability to teach it what they wanted.
I don't know what to do. Maybe he'll make a good sport dog for someone or search and rescue or something, or just an all around amazingly trained companion dog. But that's the other thing killing me right now. I don't know what I am going to do with him. I won't be able to keep him at this point as much as I hate saying that. Most of these organizations don't want you having another dog in the house (I don't think it would be an issue but whatever ). And even if they allowed it, that would mean when we got back on our feet we'd have 3 large dogs. It would be more of a financial strain and likely impossible to find a place to live.
But now try and explain all that to my family. Explain now I need to go apply to these service dog organizations afterall. $40 for an application fee here. $50 for another application fee there. And they may not even accept me.
If they do, it will be over $5,000 for the cost of the dog and travel to their training centers, plus food, hotel, gas, additional team training expenses, etc. Unless I get insanely lucky and they have some sort of financial aid or volunteers that could help cut down on the travel expenses. But that is not guaranteed, and I am treating everything as a worst-case scenario right now, because lets face it, it has become one.
I'd rather train my own dog because I have the ability to do so and was hoping to make a career out of it somehow. But I feel like I am only fooling myself because then it rolls right back around to money. To try and find another dog ( it took me over a year to find Journey ), the starter costs of everything with vet and training for that dog, and the time and energy to raise it back up to the level I have Journey at... only to have it not work out again. And have to start all over, again. It's a risk I literally can't afford to take.
Getting a dog through a program is really my only option to have long term support come time for a successor, especially when I can no longer train my own dog. There is no disposable income available to invest in dog after dog to "find the right one" like programs are able to. That's what makes owner-training so hard for individuals like me.
Look at all the dogs these organizations, and other things like police departments, military, and anything else that works with trained dogs, take in, versus how many of them actually make it through to the end of those training programs.
I try and look at it realistically and not be so hard on myself. But it's something I take some pride in, one of the things I can actually still do and do well and better than most other people. Which is why I feel like a failure with it anyway and keep thinking maybe it's something wrong with the way I am trying to train it... so I change it and try something else. But it just isn't working.
I feel like its more on my ability to teach him or motivate him. I don't want to give up on him. But how long do I keep trying? Especially when I am already fairly certain the outcome will not change no matter what we do. I have already tried for months.
I feel like I have failed my dog. Not every dog is cut out to be an assistance dog, regardless of the best training. That doesn't make it any easier for me to accept.
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