Bright and blessed Christmas / Yule to everyone

Wash Another Prospect?

Still alive. Trying medication adjustments per doc. Still very out of it at points when meds kick in, so may be a bit scarce at times since I make little sense or write weird things when totally medicated. By time I finish, it will have taken me hours just to write and proof read this, like anything I write these days.

I think I am just destined to have bad luck with my service dogs in training and any service dog prospects.  I was feeding animals this evening. Put my hand in puppy bowl ( as I gave to her ) to encourage her to eat from hand and hands are okay by bowl, something I have always done and normally met with wiggly waggy tails because they get extra good treats in the process.  Well tonight she got a wild hair up her ass and decided to growl at me....a freeze/tense, growl warning, go to eat food again sort of way.  This is after demand bark/yowl/howling for almost an hour because I was in the other room ( eating my own dinner and getting meds ) and she was in here in her kennel ( Ember was laying to her side quietly).  So presumably she was hungry, but still.  Not like she was starving for food or ever missed a meal or had to compete with anyone or anything here for her food.

She has been doing the demand bark/yowl/shriek since I got her.  She has gotten somewhat better ( worse - before extinction? ). I think she learned it from watching the misbehaving pit bull belonging to the ladies I got her from.  Then all she had to do was throw a tantrum of her own and I am pretty sure they must have somehow reinforced it, even if unintentional.  That was at 5wks/going on 6 wks old I got her  She is 7wks now.  Not a good sign as far as the growly resource guarding behavior is concerned.  For a normal pet dog, I could work around and through it.  But it is a very undesirable trait for a potential service dog prospect to have - one older dogs would immediately be washed from training for, because it is too much of a risk and liability.  So is she treated same as they would be? Do I just cut the loss and let her go too?  There are other concerns, and again while I think I could train past them given time, time is against me and I lack resources, so I find myself falling back to what my gut instinct says, since it was right before. But then I second guess myself and everything about everything.

I didn't want to say anything before I was more certain, but Ember has been having weird quirks and also not always alerting the older she has gotten, too.  Since I was put on this new medication, it has totally screwed up her alerting. I almost faceplanted the other day getting out of bed because she didn't alert ( she has jumped into bed and woken me for similar situation alerts in the past for reference ).  She is more and more unsure on her own legs/feet. I tried trimming nails and foot fur down as much as I can. Maybe will try boots with good grip and just have her always wear those when working from now on. But otherwise it becomes dangerous because she loses her balance and drags me down with her.  I am out of time and have no options to turn to.  The idea that years of freedom she has brought me will end and I will be alone is... well, frightening.

Laugh if you want, but not being able to know if your body is going to decide to have a random heart rate/blood pressure spazz out that causes you to randomly get very sick and pass out, and the only sure thing that has kept that from happening by warning you in advance being your dog....yeah.  That's not even counting the multitude of other issues like random joint dislocations and tissue injury I can get just by walking or standing.  That's why I need a service dog. Otherwise it is tote around a cane, blood pressure cuff meter, and heart rate monitor, extra meds and smelling salt and the like, and hope that I won't actually need them. But if I do, I will have little if any warning at all, before symptoms hit. Few realize how humiliating it is to stagger suddenly and run into random objects or people ( and the glares you get ) , or how helpless you feel sinking down to the floor in a pre-syncope attack where you basically white out/black out ( no vision or hearing), lose consciousness and sense of anything going on around you, how vulnerable that leaves you if you are all by yourself.  That is my life.  Ember ( even Journey and Chakotay ) has made it a million times better over the years she has helped me, kept me safe.  But now what?

I will go back to barely leaving the house, especially since Mike isn't even here.  He'd go out with me places and get me out at least.  I can't ask or expect my aunt or anyone else to do that. Even when Mike and I are living together again. It is such a huge pressure and burden on our loved ones, that is why a service dog is not just a relief to us as handlers, but to our loved ones who worry so much about us and otherwise have to do so much for us without them to help us. Losing that freedom and security is crushing... especially when you tried so hard to have your backup plan all ready, and you knew just what to do and did it; only life had other ideas.  It always does.  Never works out the way we hoped it would.

ER Visit, Trigeminal Neuralgia

Thank you to everyone for their thoughts and concern over me having to go to the ER yesterday.

ER finally confirmed what I have suspected for a while -  I have Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN). And it is probably directly caused by my Sjögren's Syndrome.

They gave me a new medication that tries to target TN nerve pain, and it was finally able to break through the agony late last night/early this morning.

I went to bed with the lower left side of my face swelling ( inflammation related ), and when I woke up today the entire left side of my face was swollen and eye watering from the puffy around it, making it hard to see out that side.  Using an ice pack on it, so will see if that helps reduce the swelling.

Otherwise I am stable, still in pain but new med is helping. Follow up with primary doc and Neurology Monday.  I am a zombie, will be while getting used to this new med.

Recap on what led to this point:

I was in so much pain, I hadn't been able to sleep for days ( worse than normal ) because the pain always gets insanely worse at night.  I have an extremely high tolerance for pain these days, and my Gaba med normally takes enough edge off that I can "ignore" it ( just suffer through it ).  On the second day it was getting to where I couldn't tolerate it anymore. Aunt tried to help by getting me all sorts of ice/heat packs and OTC stuff to dull pain.  It got so bad that night/early morning that I almost called an ambulance ( my aunt was asleep and she can't drive at night so only way I could have got to ER is that way or call cab and I was worried Medicaid would not cover ambulance ride and had no way to verify at 2am ).  It was weekend, no way to speak with Medicaid people to see what was covered, I just decided to suffer through it.

On the third day of insane pain I went through my entire daily dose of Gaba in 3.5hrs and it did nothing.  I knew it would only get worse again come evening and I didn't think I could deal with it again without wanting to destroy something from how much it hurt. For pain to hurt me bad enough to make me give in and go to the hospital or ER on a weekend, you know it is seriously bad.  So neighbor took me that evening since aunt can't drive at night ( thanks again so much! ) and dropped me off.

The EJGH staff was AMAZING. First person we were met with was security, and he stopped me when he saw Ember.... I was seriously ready to destroy someone/something at that point from the severe pain and I was having worried flashbacks of the horrible experience I had several years ago with the security douchebag at LSU hospital ER trying to deny me access if I didn't show him "proof" Ember was a real service dog ( this is against the law ).  Thank the gods, this lovely gentleman was far better trained and considerate. He noticed her vest and the patches clearly defining what she was, smiled and said nevermind and told me to go ahead. I heard other hospital staff whispering as we wandered past, all saying "its a service dog" to each other, sounding as relieved she was the real deal as I felt that they recognized what Ember was. They were tons more professional and knowledgeable.  That's why I chose to use EJGH general practice doctors for my care, and their conduct in the ER only reaffirms I made the right choice.

Compared to the LSU ER horror, getting in to the EJGH ER was quick and rather painless.  I was worried it would be crowded on a Saturday evening, and while there were enough other people, the staff had a nice system set up for intake and directing patients. They brought me to an exam room in a wheelchair to avoid me going full syncope due to the pain I was in, worried to make me walk that far down the hallways.  I was thankful for that.  Ember got to show off what a well trained dog she was and that made her happy.  She's been so worried over me the past few days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The nurse helped me into the hospital bed and Ember took her place beside it to wait. I got to watch some HGTV while waiting for the doctor.  We don't have live cable anymore so it was a treat to watch.  The wait for the doctor was brief. She went over my history and current symptoms, I explained I had experienced this problem numerous times before but this was about the worst it had ever been. After a quick examination she agreed based on my history that
Trigeminal Neuralgia was most likely responsible, probably directly caused by my Sjögren's causing irritation/swelling/pressure against the nerve bundles somehow.  She wrote me a new prescription to try Carbamazepine, got an additional referral to Neurology for me, told me to follow up with my primary Monday, and that was that.  They discharged me with paperwork and took me to wait for a cab in the lobby, and were kind enough to make the call for me and inform them I had my service dog with me.

It was while waiting I noticed some tightness in my face on the left side, the effected side.  I was still in a ton of pain and rather out of it, but realized after poking at it gently that it felt like swelling, and not realizing it was there before I got a nurse to ask the doctor.  Unfortunately since they had already discharged me, it meant I would have had to have gone through the whole intake process again, and my cab driver showed up at that time.  Not wanting the poor gentleman to wait or have come out to get me for nothing, I decided it was probably from my
Sjögren's attacking the glands or something. I have had milder swelling where the salivary glands are before, figured that was it and decided it wasn't worth the trouble to wait around for them to likely not do anything else for me anyway.  Couldn't be medication related because I hadn't started the new medicine yet, so clearly it was inflammation.  I figured if it got worse, I could go back.

The cab driver was very nice and considerate, thought Ember was just amazing.  He called her a Rougarou ( Louisiana folklore / French for Werewolf ) when we first got in and told his dispatch he had "Miss Brittney and her Rougarou".  That made me all sorts of happy and geeky, and when I responded showing I knew what the term meant, he was just as delighted.  It was a pleasant drive home with good conversation, as much as I was limited to talk at the time.  Much thanks to Metry Cab and Mr. Jim!

My aunt was able to drive me to the 24-hour pharmacy just down the block, since it wasn't too far and well lit with street lights. Had to wait forever for the new med to be filled.  Finally got home. Took meds. Became a zombie. Finally got some rest.  Took me way too long to write this so it makes sense.  The end.

Service Dog Update Stuff

The Rottie

Unfortunately Diva ( an affectionate nickname we gave her ) the Rottweiler puppy didn't work out.  After further evaluation and working with her, it was obvious that she just didn't have the right characteristics for assistance dog work.  She's still a great little puppy full of potential. but she'd make a better family dog, which is exactly what she will be.  With the help of the woman I got her from, we contacted someone else who had responded with interest in the puppy after I had taken her. They are a family of Rottie enthusiasts who have had them all their lives, and it was clearly a perfect match.  Some things are just meant to be.

New Puppy

Afterwards I did come across another puppy. This one was admittedly younger than I am normally comfortable with taking a pup for evaluation, but the mother dog had stopped nursing the litter and they had been taken by the owner's daughter to care for and find homes for.  The daughter has experience with animal rescue and rehab, so the pups were in good hands and well adjusted for such a young age.

The new puppy is a Labrador ( Chocolate ) / Great Pyrenees mix, who is currently six weeks old.  She passed the temperament test and startle recovery test far better than I expected. She has a beautiful personality and is very willing to stay engaged.  She is a confident little puppy sponge.  She is playful and curious, and has potential. The only thing I am uncertain of is if she will be large enough as an adult.  Hoping there is a mega growth spurt coming soon.  We are playing the name game to see what fits her best.  Some names up for consideration:

Keala ( Pathfinder, the path )
Raksha ( protection, nurture, pathfinder symbology )
Jakara

River

Aina ( Joy, Forever, Celtic/Finnish )

Jera
Seeker

Rain / Rainy

Amaya ( Night rain, Japanese )

Zephyr

Another Dog So Soon?

Something I feel I should say for those who don't know me well enough.  Some might look at this as me playing "musical puppies" and think it callous of me.  I want it to be understood I don't make any of these decisions lightly.  My animals are my family.  In the case of these dogs I am evaluating and "trying out" for lack of better phrasing, I get just as attached to them as I am to my animals that have been lifelong companions.

The difference in the end however is that I can't let those emotions rule my judgement, if I know that animal is not a good fit for the work I need it to be able to do.  I love and respect the animals. I can't force them to be something they are not.  I need a very special type of dog, with a very special personality and abilities to adapt to things that most dogs would want to avoid. I need a special dog that will ignore all those pressures and just enjoy working with me and going places with me as my partner.

Assistance dogs are considered medical equipment, not pets.  Realistically I need to look at it that way and remind myself I can't keep them all, as attached as I get to them through this process of attempting to owner train my new service dog partner.  It makes letting them go that much harder.

Even if it doesn't work out, I always make sure the dog is going to a good, responsible home, and I keep in touch with and follow up to be sure everything works out.  The same as I have always done for any animals I have rescued and fostered over the years.

I have seen too many people who owner train use dogs that really should not be working any form of public access, for one reason or another.  It is not fair to the dog to try and force it to be something it is not.  Doing so would set a bad example on me as a trainer, and be a poor representation of the assistance dog communities as a whole.  That is why I am being as selective as I am. Because it is the right thing to do, and it is necessary to ensure my dog is not a liability in public.

Physical Therapy, Autoimmune Flair Stuff

I have been pretty sick since last time I updated. I started physical therapy again the week before it hit really bad. It's a flairup caused from over exerting myself, and amplified by the weird changes in the weather here.  Haven't been sleeping well to begin with, so getting up to tend to puppy stuff wasn't as much an issue.  It got bad enough that I almost had a full syncope attack during my physical therapy, and probably fully would have if Ember hadn't alerted me in time so I could stop what I was doing and get to a safe position and warn the staff just in case.

To make matters worse I ended up falling during some hardcore pre-syncope roller coaster rides at home. Bruised myself up pretty good and was sore as hell.  Only to have to go right to the radiology appointments and be asked to contort myself in weird ways and get poked and prodded so they could do the scans, which further pushed my pain threshold.

Poor Ember has been hyper vigilant like she always gets when I get a flairup this bad. Unfortunately she has gotten to a point where it is increasingly difficult for her to do anything for me anymore. There have been several times where she lost her footing while counter balancing me and I almost fell down or into something. I haven't been using her for the balance and bracing assist as much because I don't want to hurt her or myself, and that has only made the flairup that much worse because of the added strain on my body.

I am getting to where I can use my hands again, now that the random painful skin splitting,bleeding, and other pleasantries that come with these flairs is calming some. One tiny scratch I got on my pinky morphed into a huge gash and kept refusing to stay closed and heal even with bandaids, ointments, and finally going as far as using liquid bandage to hold it together. It was very painful. A similar split formed on the corner of my thumb and has been almost as challenging to convince to stop splitting open and start healing.

Even still, I have managed to get 15 ceramic bowl dishes formed and drying as greenware, to be bisqued, glazed and fired to finish, a commission intended for office holiday gifts.  I also have full intentions to work on that dog portrait painting, even if I have to fully bandage my hands to do so.  I will stream while working on it, aiming for this Friday 16th around 8pm CST for anyone interested.

Third Try Is A Charm?

This little thing is what has been keeping me busy this past week.  She is a 7 week old ( 8 weeks old on Dec 6th ) Rottweiler puppy.

After failed attempts to find a dog of the right age/size/temperament/heartworm neg anywhere local for months (50+ dogs again between here and parts of Mississippi), including the recent incident with the touch reactive foster that nearly bit me, my family agreed another puppy might be the best way to go.  Except this time no GSD, and lets try a female instead.

So here she is.  We are doing the same thing with her that we did with Journey and Chakotay, to see what names are fitting.

She is a little spitfire, full of spunk and attitude. And damn is she fast.  A little whirlwind running around the yard, dashing through all the leaves as she snorks and chomps at them.  It's been rainy and overcast so I haven't been able to get a good video of her doing this yet.

She is already weighing 14lbs and fitting into the harness I had the boys in when they were at least two weeks or more older than she currently is.  She doesn't look like she weighs that much.

Here are the names we have narrowed down:

Ripley ( Heroine  Lt. Ripley from the Aliens movie franchise; aka Badass Bitch. ;)   )

Makani ( Wind, Hawaiian; May-Kah-nee )

Kira ( Dusky, dark haired one )

Karma ( Destiny, Listen )

Will share more info and pictures later.